THE DEVIL CAN'T STEAL MY JOY!

Hello,  It has been quite some time since my last post.  Well the devil tried to distract me, even tho I didn't make a post I didn't forget.  Yesterday February 15th 2016 I am 4 years cancer free. 4 long years but I have made it,  God has kept me.. THANK YOU LORD....HALLELUJAH!!!  The devil tried... yes he did but he lost that battle. God is keeping his promise to me.  This journey hasn't been easy but it would have been much harder with God in my life.  God gave me the best husband who have loved me more and more the past 4 years.  I am so very thankful for him.

I was reading a post from 4 years ago and all I could do is cry because I remember that pain. http://candybradby.blogspot.com/2012/02/this-is-soo-hard.html  I remember wondering what my life is going to be like after the mastectomy. I was hurting.  BUT GOD!!!  I don't feel that pain anymore.  God has used me and has showed me His love.  In my worst pain God kept me.  The devil tries to convince you to give up, the pain won't go away, things will never get better.... IT'S A LIE.  Trust in God... Trust Him... I am living proof... read my older post.  It will look bad.. real bad like when I had the brain tumor 2 years ago.  I have videos right after surgery on my Facebook page Surgery Video Now I see why the Lord had me write this blog, to show people living proof trusting in Him in your darkest hour He will come thru.

4 years....  I just took it one day at a time, one week at a time one month at a time and now I can count years at a time.  Yes my life has changed, my body has changed and even my mindset but with the love from my husband, children and family and my church family and last but not least my God I feel stronger than ever. I feel I am living testament to my church's(House Of Champions International Church and Ministries) mission statement.  This is just part of it " No weapon formed against us shall prosper as we are called we are more than conquerors in the Word! We are winners in every area of our lives and we shall all prosper in all that we do. In my darkest hour I asked God to use me.  Thank you for listening Lord.   Yayyyy me 4 years cancer free!!

God is SOOOOO Good!!!

No New Cancer.  The lump was just an infected gland!!  Mannnn I wanted to just jump off that table.  I was sooo happy.  My husband said people would get their release at bible study Wed night. I Got mine!  Prayer and obedience that's what it takes. I am healthy and don't need to see the dr for another 6 months.So I continue to be cancer free.  God is so Good!!!!  Now they did take awhile to tell me my results and I did start to doubt.  But I also knew if it was cancer I was going to fight with God on my side and I was going to win! I'm so happy I was dancing in the elevator. Thank You for all your prayers.  God heard you.  I thank you Lord for this blessing.

Praying

I'm writing because God has told me to write.  Anyone who knows me know I am very private and keep things like this to my self.  After I wrote my post yesterday I found a lump under my left arm.  It is about the size of a pea and is painful.  Of course I went and looked it up online and found several things. Fatty tissue, cyst, cancer.  I did call my Dr and got an appointment for today.  See something major is about to happen so many things went wrong yesterday- attacks on our finances, attack on our family- attacks on my health.  God is waiting for a way to show his glory.  It upsets me to talk about the cancer might be back but I remember God's promise to me that cancer won't kill me.  I know I will be ok.  I come from a family of fighters.  So no matter what this lump is I will be ok! This cancer thing sucks,  always wondering if it's coming back.  So I'm praying for a good outcome, praying that the lump is something benign.  praying for a financial blessing, praying for peace, praying for my husband and children. Praying for a supernatural release!  I go to the dr at 12:30 today.  I will have a post this evening about the outcome. God just told me I will be fine.  God must think awfully highly of me to keep putting so much on my shoulders. lol  I have put this in God's hands. What ever is best will happen.

Wow What A Week!!!!

This week has been a true test of Faith and Thrive...lol Last Saturday I had did something to my shoulder in the shower to the point the pain was so bad I had to take some pain meds.  Now since I have been on Thrive I have had NO pain meds in my body. I ended going to the ER Sunday after church.  My loving and crazy husband takes a pic of me after the give me some Valium and post it on Facebook.  Well Heaven was flooded with so many prayers by Monday evening I was feeling better without meds.  Now I did still have some Thrive in my system but we ran out and our next order wasn't going to be here until Thursday.  Now on Thursday I went to an Orthopedic Specialist.  I asked him How do you get a pinch nerve just reaching to was your leg in the shower... Do you know he laugh at me and shook his head...lol   My shoulder was still sore by the time I went to see him.  He gave me a cortisone shot in my shoulder.  Well my nonhaving Thrive body did not like that.  My shoulder ached so much and I started to have a Fibromyalgia flare up.  I was feeling real bad that night.  I haven't felt that bad in a very long time.. I think since before my brain surgery.  Our order didn't get here until Thursday evening.  I think around 10pm ( I had fell asleep about 6 from pain meds)  I opened the box and put on a DFT Foam. By the next morning all the Fibromyalgia issues were gone!!!!!  Now my shoulder is still sore but I can function without feeling like I was hit by a truck. Now it is Sunday and I have had a couple of days full of Thrive and mannnnn I feel so much better.  I'm going to physical therapy for my shoulder.... I get a massage and heat packs  :)  :)  :).  But NO MORE PAIN MEDS.

Oh Guess who is a little lighter???   YES ME ME!!!.  At my last DR. appt I was 202lbs now I am 195lbs.  Only in a couple of weeks with me only walking some.. I can't wait to see my oncologist in Nov.  Well I got to get the family ready for church.  Everybody have a very Blessed Sunday!

www.candyb.le-vel.com
 TRY THRIVE

Thank You God!!!

 Well I made it thru surgery fantastic.!!!!  I was told that the nerves were wrapped around the tumor quite a bit that's why they had to have more monitoring during my surgery cause it was going to be more complicated.  God ...God was there.  My surgery was only 6 hours long instead of 9 and the doctors said the nerves just bent out the way so he could remove the tumor.  NO NO nerves were cut,  Even a very sensitive nerve that controls my swallowing was just fine.  I'm not using much pain meds.  I normally have problems with my IV cause I can only use the one arm from breast cancer surgery NO problems there.  I had brain surgery on Tuesday and I am home doing well on Sat.  God did this.  I stayed faithful. I never doubted Him.  Even when my symptoms were getting worst I knew God would take care of me.  So many prayers went up that morning and I am so very thankful and grateful for His love.
 I was able to walk a flight a stairs yesterday very well.  I just have to use a few tricks to help my brain heal and regain more independence.  I will be going to outpatient therapy to help me get stronger. I wish I could go to church today but just a walk to the bathroom is enough excitement for me these days..lol    But God knows my praise!!  I will be back soon Faith Church Baltimore


PS.  I am asking for help with meals for my family since I am the family chef...lol A website has been set up to help schedule meals if you would like to help.  I normally don't ask for help but I realize the brain is very sensitive and I will take a little more time getting back to my normal routine. Because of my husband's job and pastoring a church and taking care of home I know the meals would be one less worry for him. So if you would like to bless us with a meal please inbox me for the website and password to set a date.  Thank you for your help.

THANK YOU

Thank you for all the prayers.   My surgery went excellent.   It was 3 hours shorter than expected and the dr saved my hearing and facial nerves. Im being moved to my room today and I am able sit in a chair.  I got a fat lip from surgery and my face is swollen.

I just so very thankful for your prayers.   God really showed up.  Thanks again.

1 Week

1 week.....1 week.  I am scheduled to have a craniotomy in 1 week It is still so hard to believe.  I am experiencing such a range of emotions it is crazy. I still haven't been able to cry.  I get sad then I get mad because I don't want to be sad. I become irritable trying to remember everything that needs to be done, the I get mad again because I have to go thru this, then I starting thinking about people who are worst off and I start to feel grateful.  Most of the time I'm numb cause I don't know what to feel because it doesn't seem real.  I pray every day for healing but God might decide the surgery is the way I will be healed.  I just don't want my head cut open. The Dr. said I will be back to normal after surgery.  Now my question is "What exactly is normal?"..lol  I'm not the most "normal" person around..lol   I'm hoping that when the tumor is gone It will unleash an enormous wave of creativity.  Yeahh I like that.  I am trying to stay positive about this whole thing because to me  this is sooooo crazy.  I have been a little stressed with trying to prepare my family and home for this surgery.  So things will run as easy as possible for them while I'm gone and when I first come home.  This whole thing is so surreal.  God must have some extra special blessings for me because what I have been thru in the past 2 years is a bit much...lol   5 surgeries in 2 years and this one makes #6.  Goodness I look forward to turning 50.  God should be finished refurbishing me by then...lol 
 

I CHOOSE HAPPY

2 weeks from today I will be having brain surgery.  It is still weird to say and hard to believe.  I find moments where I want to cry like a little baby but for some reason I can't.  I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I think it is more out of frustration. But I still haven't cried. There was a period before the last surgery date where I start to feel myself falling into a depressed state. I feel like I'm fighting my body.  My fibromyalgia is acting up bad right now.   I didn't want to be there so I prayed and asked God for help.  That is when I found my happy song.  I was flipping thru channels on TV and Pharrell William's video for Happy was on and it made me smile and the extra plus is it's from one of my favorite movies Despicable Me 2.  Well I loved both movies.  When I hear the song I automatically smile and I'm HAPPY.  I also have Minion ringtones.  I love it when my phone goes off while I'm in public.  It always puts a smile on somebody's face and makes them laugh.  You never know that might be the only laugh they will have that day.  I love making people happy.  Well back to my Happy Song,  My husband and daughter have been told I want to hear this song right before surgery and when the see me in recovery.  I choose to be happy.  Everybody should have a happy song.

Bitter sweet weekend

This weekend has been a difficult one.  I have shed tears of happiness and sorrow.  My oldest child graduated from college yesterday and my husband's grandmother passed away on Friday.  My husband was extremely close to his grandmother. I didn't know her for long but I had grown to love her and how her family interacted with her was beautiful.

 Then you have my daughter great accomplishment. I drove passed her freshman dorm. I want to cry. I remember watching her walk away from the car, so excited to start her college career. I remember the calls of happiness, sadness, or just "I miss you mommy call"or the famous "I need money call".  I welcomed them all. I had met her sorority sisters and close friends that have been there for her. It was pretty cool to see the Dean of Students make a point to come over to tell her to keep her head up about a job opp in Indiana. She knows people there. She has such a bright future. I feel like I did my job, I had help make her into a productive citizen. I remember when she was born and bringing her home.  I remember looking at this little baby thinking, OMG I am responsible for making her an adult. Honestly it wasn't that hard.  There were some challenges, I just provided her with everything she needed physically, mentally and emotionally. And she turned out perfect in my eyes.  I was reading her scrapbook and the things her administrators wrote in it just showed me the world thinks she is wonderful too. I can proudly say I did a good job. I have done something right in my life.  ok enough about her... got me crying again thinking about everything.

Now my husband......my heart is breaking to see him in so much pain. I personally have not lost someone that close to me. I knew how much he loved his grandmother, so I knew this time would be difficult. I have come to love his family dearly and to see them hurting is heartbreaking. All I can do is just hug them and let them talk about her.  I will be there when he wants me close and give him space when he needs it. I had prayed and asked God how can I help him best.  He told me to love him thru this...that's all he need from me. So I guess that's what I will be doing. Grief is tough.

No Chemo (kinda long)

Ok yesterday I had a consultation with an Infertility doctor.  My Oncologist wanted me to meet with her to help make my decision about chemo.

First I don't need chemo.  It would be more of an insurance policy for me.  Killing off cancer cells just in case some stray active ones are in there.  It will take my chances of cancer showing up in 10 years somewhere else from 15% to 12%.  I will be on hormone therapy (tamoxifen) for 5 years but since I want to have at least 1 more child she agree to only 2 years then try to get pregnant then after the baby go back on for 3 years.  If I don't take the tamoxifen, my chances of getting cancer again is 45%.. so with that said I NEED the tamoxifen!

This has not been an easy decision.  I have been begging God for some help, BEGGING, He kept telling me to wait , hold still, I will know the answer.  Well that sucks He knows how I am about waiting...lol  I was leaning toward taking the chemo..Why?  I was scared. I didn't want to go thru this again. I was afraid I dying, not being here for my husband, my kids and new baby boy. Just plain scared. Even after meeting with the Oncologist twice, I wasn't feeling the chemo 100%.  Many family members wanted me to take the chemo, my daughter supports whatever I decide(that didn't help)..lol, my husband didn't, some friends said not to,others said do it. I started reading post on a breast cancer website from women who have the same cancer I do. All of that left me even more confused then ever.  Then I stopped begging and turned it over to God.  Early one morning while in prayer God told me He never left me, I I let go of his hand, that's why I was so scared.  I forgot His promise when all of this first started.  "This will not kill me"  That does not guarantee that the cancer will never come back... nothing can guarantee that but my major fear of dying has been calmed. When I let go of the fear and grabbed hold of God's hand again, confirmation started coming from everywhere that I don't need chemo.  I feel secure in my decision, my heart is at peace now. If the cancer comes back I truly believe it would have came back no matter what I could have done.  Nothing is 100% .  I will be taking on a healthier lifestyle than what I have been living. I know I need to take better care of myself than I have been. Thank You God for believing in me and trusting me and never leaving my side.  Some people might say the devil put fear in me but the devil had nothing to do with this.  I had to learn to trust God always and completely. Once I let go of the fear, the answer came to me so fast.  That is the lesson I learned,  You can't go to God with fear in your heart.  Let go of the fear and trust Him.  He will answer you.

Ok back to the Infertility doctor.  I found out that I am very very fertile  YAYYYY ME!!!   I do have fibroids. One that is in my uterus that needs to be removed, Other than that everything looks very good. She said we can harvest some eggs and freeze them so when I want to get pregnant I will have strong eggs. If I do have chemo I will become infertile.  That was the last nail in the chemo coffin.( plus I didn't want to lose my hair.. I just started to let it grow).  There have been plenty of women who become pregnant after taking tamoxifen.  Since I am no where near menopause and have young ovaries, I am no longer worried about being pushed into menopause by the tamoxifen. Now this whole invetro thing  is very expensive and there is some financial help from the Lance Armstrong organization but there is still $5000 we would have to pay. So what am I going to do........ Put it in prayer and hand it over to God.   He hasn't failed me.  I need to make a decision within the next week because I have to start some kind of treatment very very very soon. So this is the cancer side of my life.  The other side  of my life is a bit crazy right now that is a whole separate story tooo long to put here right now.  This whole cancer this still gets me down sometimes.. I guess I just tired of dealing with it.  Well I got to call my Oncologist and let her know what I have decided.

Holding onto God real tight right now!

The Oncotype test results (chemo or no chemo)

 I went to see my surgeon yesterday to get the results of my Oncotype DX test.(to see if I need chemo) plus get a better understanding of my pathology report. Well the pathology report was good. my margins were clear and nodes negative. I originally had 2 tumors they found a 3rd. and the Dcis was 4.1 cm and no metastases, so the mastectomy was the best thing for me. so I had Stage 1A cancer. He said this was the best type to have.   Now normally that would be treated with just tamoxifen for 5 years BUT..... My Oncotype DX test was a 23 which put me in the middle of the middle of the chart for benefiting from chemo. The test tells me I have a 15% chance of the cancer coming back in 10 years or 85% of it never coming back. My surgeon is consulting with a team of 3 Oncologist today and will tell me what was said later this evening and then I will consult with them. This really suck because it falls in my hands on what to do. I didn't know where else to turn. Of course my husband doesn't want me to go thru chemo neither do I but it's one thing to not want it but need it (like the surgery)and another to not want it and maybe you will or maybe you wont benefit from it. How do you make such a decision for your life. This is so unfair Cancer sucks. I'm not looking for someone to make this decision for me. 

 God told me this morning that my fight is just beginning.  I know that I have way too much to live for.  I feel like I should flip a coin because this whole this is really up to chance. God tells me things change.  It has just really hit me that this is a fight I will be fighting for the rest of my life. My husband and children need me.  My daughter and I are planning a trip to Paris next year to celebrate me beating this mess.  I'm Mad now. I know some women are having a harder time then I am and I know my cancer is easier to deal with but this whole cancer this is just wrong. I still don't know what me decision will be i still need to meet with the Oncologist after my surgeon does.  I'm praying God will have an answer for me by then.  I guess I'm still waiting( the patience test..lol)

Recovering

Well everything is going well.  I'm a little sad that my daughter Nay had to leave but having her here to take care of me was great.  She did yell at me to stay still.. I think she enjoyed fussing me ...lol.  I moved around too much yesterday and tried to get up this morning and felt the most horrible pain.. So I will be moving a lot less today.  It's just weird for me to have others waiting on me.  My husband is being so wonderful.  He was up all night just to make sure I don't miss my pain meds.  I just love him so much.  He fussed at me to for moving around too much...lol  I took a look at myself yesterday.  It didn't upset me like I thought.  Now I am loop-sided but in a couple of months I will be just about even again.  Mentally I'm doing so much better.  God did tell me I will be alright. Now I'm just waiting for the pathology report.  I'm not worried about that either.  This part has been easier than I thought it would be.  so people had me so worried how I would feel after the surgery.  I was told I would be in soooo much pain and not going to be able to move much.  Well God has his hand on me and I feel great.(as long as I stay on top of the pain meds..lol)  I'm able to crochet and do my own hair ..I know the only thing that will drive me crazy is being stuck in the house.  But I'm resting and healing and I have cute pajamas.  I am a proud Breast Cancer Survivor! I can honestly say God has been by my side the whole way  :)

This Weekend

Ok this is the weekend before my surgery.  My nerves are getting bad..It's getting harder to hide them.  Matt and Jay and I watched Bad Teacher last night...very funny movie..I need funny movies right now.  We bought a couple of things that I will need after surgery.. That started to get to me until my brother "ROB" called me (I repeat I don't call him that)..lol  His calls seem to come at the perfect time to make me laugh.  Jay is being wonderful too.  He is getting real good with rubbing my feet to help me relax.  Nay is going to spend the night with me at the hospital.  I have been really blessed me with these 2 great kids. I have been trying to keep my mind busy.  The fibromyalgia has me very tired these days.  My Dr. told me its normal considering the stress I'm under.  Oh I have been cleared for surgery.  My blood pressure finally lower. I still have to watch my diet.  I think I need to start those anti anxiety meds again.  As much as I don't like them, they probably help my blood pressure.

  I'm glad we have the women's session tonight Detox 2012, Agape Christian Center 4601 York Road, Baltimore, MD 21212 @ 7pm.   ok there's my plug...lol  It's easier when I can focus on helping others and not thinking about myself.  I'm gonna go get my toes done so I will at least have pretty feet.  I was going to get my hair done but changed my mind because I will sleep on pain meds for quite a bit so I'm gonna wait until after surgery. I plan on crocheting while I recover so be on the look out for some of my new creations. :)  Now I just need to get laundry done and clean my bedroom and buy some PJs then, I think I will have everything ready.. I guess as ready as I'm gonna be

WOW

I really messed up today.  I totally forgot my appointment with the plastic surgeon.  I thought my appointment was Friday but NOOOOOO it was today.  They called me at 12 asking me if I was coming the appointment was at 11:30am.  What got me was that they said they had no other time available for me to be seen before the surgery. Plus they block out an hour of time for the consultation. So I only had 30 min left to see her.  I was a basketcase on the drive to the office.  I prayed and prayed asking God to make this appointment work.  I couldn't handle if I messed this up.  Well I got there at 12:20.  I was scared that they were going to say it was to late to see me but they were very  very nice and understanding.  And God did his thing and the patient after me had to reschedule so she was able to spend the time needed.  This is starting to become very real.  We were sitting there talking about cutting off a part of me and replacing it with something else.  This whole thing is just crazy.  I don't want to go through with this but what choice do I have.  I must get this cancer out of me.  Its all through out my breast so they can't just remove the lumps.  This sucks! The closer the day comes the more I don't want to think about it.  Well at least I can keep my hair.  No chemo or radiation, so I have that going for me. I'm so ready to get this over with so I can put it in the past.  so I will be spending the next couple of days getting things ready for Wed. I will admit it is getting harder and harder the closer I get. I know I will be ok.  God promised me that.

Thank You

Waking up feeling good today.  I want to thank my wonderful husband Matthew for loving me so much thru this and reminding me I'm beautiful no matter what happens. He has been so understanding on my bad days and he does what ever it takes to put a smile on my face (which is not hard for him to do). I also want to thank my kids, Chardiney and Jayson. They are so strong and supportive, They keep me laughing and make me fight harder. Talk about keeping me laughing, my brother Rob( not the name I call him lol),  had me laughing the day I got the news about the cancer.  No matter what bad news I call him with he finds some way to have me laughing before I get off the phone.  Thank you  for being such a great brother.  I want to thank Lashawn, my new cousin by marriage, for being by my side and helping me understand  and FIGHT this cancer.  The toughest part is yet to come. I know with all the love,support and prayers from everybody, my family and I will be just fine.. I thank you.  All the encouraging words and prayers have given me strength. Please continue to send them.  Just a side note.. I don't know how people get addicted to anti anxiety meds...when I take half a pill, Jay and Matt laugh at me cause they say I am moving in slow motion.Yes I do have to think harder when I take them but they will sit there and laugh at me...lol.  When I take a whole pill the world seems to slow down until I pass out sleep...lol  I can't take those things all the time.. but they were helpful when needed...lol.  This will be something we will be able to look back and laugh about.  Well, we laugh about it now  ....lol   Laughter is the BEST medicine and my family is full of that..hehe