Well it has been 3 1/2 months since Mindy the Meningioma was evicted. I am doing well. I still get tired easy and when the weather changes my head feels funny. I get this tight feeling around the incision and my head just don't feel right. I still get dizzy every now and then but nowhere as bad as it was before surgery. Other than that I feel good. I'm working out (riding a stationary bike and walking) I need to loose this EXTRA weight. I do have this sore spot that showed up. It looks like a red and purple bump. I'm gonna call my surgeon today and ask him about it.
I really didn't want to talk about this but I needed to have a PET scan because my alkaline phosphatase levels were elevated. The test is to see if the cancer has come back some place else in my body. **BIG SIGH** I hope that my levels are elevated because I started taking tramadol for the pain in my feet(plantar fasciitis) If the cancer has come back it has a battle on it's hands.. Because God and I are in this together. They said my oncologist will have the results 2 working days. I had the test done Tuesday so I guess Thursday or Friday at the latest. I'm calling the Dr today to see if she has the results. This is very frustrating, every time I heal and recover and start feeling somewhat normal something else in my body goes crazy. UGGGG You just don't know how tired I am of doctors.The only thing I can do now is hold onto God and let Him guide me thru this.
This is why I have been trying to build my Avon business. Every time I try to go back to work something keeps going wrong and I can't so gotta work for myself. :) So I have been pushing my Avon business hard. I have a lot of support from my family. So please check out my store. I will ship or deliver locally. There are a lot of items on sale Thank you for helping me help my family. Every little order helps. Thanks again
Showing posts with label Cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cancer. Show all posts
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Pool
Yesterday was the first time I have been to the pool this season. The main reason I wanted to go was to get my boys out the house. All I could wear was a bathing suit bottom because I still have to wear the surgical vest a little longer. So I just wore a top over it.
It felt nice to be outside. I think it was the most time I have been outside since my surgery. I was a little self conscious because I am still a little loop sided due to swelling. But it was nice to be out with the boys. It was Dylan's first time at the pool. He was happy at first until he fell and went face first into the water then he wasn't sure about all this water. He did keep walking to it...lol He kept looking at the other kids like "why are you here". Jay got to see he friends from last summer. So it was very nice. I needed that. I felt somewhat normal. I can't wait until I am cleared to drive. We will be at the pool much more.
It felt nice to be outside. I think it was the most time I have been outside since my surgery. I was a little self conscious because I am still a little loop sided due to swelling. But it was nice to be out with the boys. It was Dylan's first time at the pool. He was happy at first until he fell and went face first into the water then he wasn't sure about all this water. He did keep walking to it...lol He kept looking at the other kids like "why are you here". Jay got to see he friends from last summer. So it was very nice. I needed that. I felt somewhat normal. I can't wait until I am cleared to drive. We will be at the pool much more.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Post surgery
Wow that was an experience, It was funny cause I didn't remember much that happened before my mastectomy last time. That gosh darn lorazipan works wonders. But this time I didn't take anything ... I was ready for this. I had the operating team laughing because I pretty much jump up on the table before they were ready for me..lol Then afterwards ugggggggggg.. The pain was bad. it was getting close to labor pains. I started to cry it was so bad. I have a high pain threshold from dealing with the fibromyalgia. That didn't make any difference I was hurting.. They kept giving me pain meds then they gave me liquid Tylenol. That stuff works. I'm on percocet now. I seem to be in constant pain but not as bad as earlier.. It's like a burning sensation on the left side of my chest. I keep being told the results are worth it.. HMMMMMM they better be nice...lol this mess hurts.
The good thing is I am able to move around better today.. got all that pain meds and anesthesia from the hospital out of my system. My head doesn't feel fuzzy anymore. Now don't get me wrong I am so ever thankful for being able to have this surgery. There are so many women that can't have reconstruction surgery for one reason or another. I have read the stories of my cancer friends and they seem to be going thru so much more than me. I pray for them everyday. These are some tough women. They make my journey look like a walk in the park. They still support and encourage me when needed.
I am looking forward to healing so I can hold my baby Dylan again. I kept kissing on him yesterday morning. He was looking at me like he knew why. I can't wait until I am able to tale him to the pool. My big boy Jay has been such a blessing I really can't imagine life with out him. Nay couldn't come down because it was her first day on the job. Last but definitely not least my hubby... he even went without food because I couldn't eat. I love him so so much..
So now I focus on healing and moving. Still got stuff to pack. I'm going to more of a director than anything else. What a busy week we have.
The good thing is I am able to move around better today.. got all that pain meds and anesthesia from the hospital out of my system. My head doesn't feel fuzzy anymore. Now don't get me wrong I am so ever thankful for being able to have this surgery. There are so many women that can't have reconstruction surgery for one reason or another. I have read the stories of my cancer friends and they seem to be going thru so much more than me. I pray for them everyday. These are some tough women. They make my journey look like a walk in the park. They still support and encourage me when needed.
I am looking forward to healing so I can hold my baby Dylan again. I kept kissing on him yesterday morning. He was looking at me like he knew why. I can't wait until I am able to tale him to the pool. My big boy Jay has been such a blessing I really can't imagine life with out him. Nay couldn't come down because it was her first day on the job. Last but definitely not least my hubby... he even went without food because I couldn't eat. I love him so so much..
So now I focus on healing and moving. Still got stuff to pack. I'm going to more of a director than anything else. What a busy week we have.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Reconstruction Day
It is hard to believe that today I will have my reconstruction surgery. There have been moments where I actually forget that I had cancer. Then I am given a reminder either with the tamoxifen or my hard right "breast" The only thing I am not happy with is that I have to wait until 11 to go to the hospital. I couldn't eat or drink anything after 12 midnight. We still have packing to do, so I will be keeping myself busy packing until Matt takes me to the hospital.
We are also moving this week but I won't be moving anything after today. This house is falling apart. Ok we got the sewage back up in the basement and the wall leaking in the basement then the hole in my kitchen ceiling showing the bathtub pipes and now the ceiling in the leaking wall room fell in. this house is literally falling apart around us. I am so happy we are getting out of here this week.
It is weird, I am having very mixed feelings right now. I'm excited, nervous,scared and angry that I even had to go thru this. I never had any surgery except a c-section for my daughter 23 years ago. I turn 40 and I fall apart. 1st my gall bladder didn't want to stay a week after my birthday and then my breast didn't want to stay 2 weeks before my wedding. I thought I was doing pretty good health wise. I eat pretty healthy, I don't smoke, I might have a drink once or twice a year even then I don't drink much. It's crazy how cancer picks it victims. Well I'm pissed. I was very happy with my breast BC (before cancer). Well one good thing about this is that I can go without a bra :) So as soon as the bandages come off Summer dresses here I come...lol
I thank God for keeping my sanity. You go thru so many different feelings once you are told you have cancer, that you feel kinda crazy at time. My faith in God has kept me sane ( now I know others might question the sane part..lol). Thank You Lord for loving me and keeping me. I couldn't have done it without you. This journey isn't over yet.
We are also moving this week but I won't be moving anything after today. This house is falling apart. Ok we got the sewage back up in the basement and the wall leaking in the basement then the hole in my kitchen ceiling showing the bathtub pipes and now the ceiling in the leaking wall room fell in. this house is literally falling apart around us. I am so happy we are getting out of here this week.
It is weird, I am having very mixed feelings right now. I'm excited, nervous,scared and angry that I even had to go thru this. I never had any surgery except a c-section for my daughter 23 years ago. I turn 40 and I fall apart. 1st my gall bladder didn't want to stay a week after my birthday and then my breast didn't want to stay 2 weeks before my wedding. I thought I was doing pretty good health wise. I eat pretty healthy, I don't smoke, I might have a drink once or twice a year even then I don't drink much. It's crazy how cancer picks it victims. Well I'm pissed. I was very happy with my breast BC (before cancer). Well one good thing about this is that I can go without a bra :) So as soon as the bandages come off Summer dresses here I come...lol
I thank God for keeping my sanity. You go thru so many different feelings once you are told you have cancer, that you feel kinda crazy at time. My faith in God has kept me sane ( now I know others might question the sane part..lol). Thank You Lord for loving me and keeping me. I couldn't have done it without you. This journey isn't over yet.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
ER Visit
So yesterday I had to go to the ER. I was having sever back pain. I knew it was my kidney because I have had a bad infection once before. I have been drinking water and eating better so I didn't understand why this was happening. I was mad because I thought it was going to postpone my reconstruction surgery on Monday. Well I just had a kidney infection and I will still be able to have surgery on Monday. Yayyyyyy. But you know that little voice will always be there. I wondered if the cancer had spread to my kidney. I guess those thought will always be there when something is not right with my body. That is when I need to go into prayer
We have also found a home to move to.. It's not what we want but it's a home until we are able to buy what we want... which the VA say we can do in a year. So I will make the best with what I have been given. God always take care of your NEEDS not your wants. so we needed a home and we got one. We got to handle our wants. I can't complain.. God had been very good to me and my family. Well that all the thought I have for today :)
We have also found a home to move to.. It's not what we want but it's a home until we are able to buy what we want... which the VA say we can do in a year. So I will make the best with what I have been given. God always take care of your NEEDS not your wants. so we needed a home and we got one. We got to handle our wants. I can't complain.. God had been very good to me and my family. Well that all the thought I have for today :)
Monday, June 11, 2012
TEARS
I sit here in tears. I just heard that Robin Roberts of Good Morning America, cancer has come back.after 5 years. It is in her blood and bone marrow. She did everything right. She had chemo, ate right, exercise and had a very positive outlook on life. It came back. I know her cancer is different from mine but it shows no matter what you do it is all in God's hands.
I am starting to believe you can probably prevent some cancers but once you have had it, if it comes back it will and there is really nothing you can do to prevent it from doing so. Some people get deal with it, and never see it again. Others will fight it more than 1 time. This was one of the reasons why I didn't do chemo. They kept telling me it was preventive, like an insurance policy. I would be furious if I had gone thru chemo and it still came back. This cancer thing really sucks. I am hearing more and more women talk about their cancer coming back 5,6, 8 years later. I really don't know what to think. It kinda put you in a constant state of fear, the fear of not knowing.
All I know is that God told me that this won't kill me, but I see this will be a lifelong fight to live. I'm only at the 6 month mark. This makes me angry, This is so unfair. God has his reasons and it's not for me to understand yet. God I trust you. Continue to guide me thru this journey. Use me.
This is the article on Robin Roberts
I am starting to believe you can probably prevent some cancers but once you have had it, if it comes back it will and there is really nothing you can do to prevent it from doing so. Some people get deal with it, and never see it again. Others will fight it more than 1 time. This was one of the reasons why I didn't do chemo. They kept telling me it was preventive, like an insurance policy. I would be furious if I had gone thru chemo and it still came back. This cancer thing really sucks. I am hearing more and more women talk about their cancer coming back 5,6, 8 years later. I really don't know what to think. It kinda put you in a constant state of fear, the fear of not knowing.
All I know is that God told me that this won't kill me, but I see this will be a lifelong fight to live. I'm only at the 6 month mark. This makes me angry, This is so unfair. God has his reasons and it's not for me to understand yet. God I trust you. Continue to guide me thru this journey. Use me.
This is the article on Robin Roberts
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Improving
Ok with help from my husband I have been taking my meds like I am suppose to and my body seems to be adjusting. I have not felt as bad as I did when I first started. I see my Oncologist a couple days after my surgery. The fatigue is still bad but I did some research and I probably need to take some vitamin D. My levels were borderline before the cancer because of the fibromyalgia. So I will picking up some today. If not I will sleep my life away...lol So I am feeling better. I'm not scratching like a crackhead as much, the headaches are gone. Now hot flashes.... still get those. It makes it hard to have a cute haircut when you keep sweating it out every night. I just might get my hair braided for awhile.
It is kinda hard to believe that reconstruction is next week. Jan 4 2012 the day I found out I had cancer seems so far away. It's funny how some dates are burned in your brain. Like the Big C day (Jan 4th 2012) and the Mastectomy day( Feb 15, 2012) and now New Boob Day( Jun 18, 2012). New Boob day is a happy day to remember. I do need to have some other things done not cancer related but if I can do it with out surgery I will. I have been looking into my options.
I'm doing well. Me and tamoxifen are still not friends but we are getting along better. God told me this journey won't kill me but it will be tough. I'm a lot stronger than I thought.
It is kinda hard to believe that reconstruction is next week. Jan 4 2012 the day I found out I had cancer seems so far away. It's funny how some dates are burned in your brain. Like the Big C day (Jan 4th 2012) and the Mastectomy day( Feb 15, 2012) and now New Boob Day( Jun 18, 2012). New Boob day is a happy day to remember. I do need to have some other things done not cancer related but if I can do it with out surgery I will. I have been looking into my options.
I'm doing well. Me and tamoxifen are still not friends but we are getting along better. God told me this journey won't kill me but it will be tough. I'm a lot stronger than I thought.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
me not like Tamoxifen
Being on tamoxifen will be a challenge.... a challenge to continue taking these pills. Most people take medicine to feel better. Its hard to keep taking a pill that makes you feel worst than you did when you didn't take it. The fatigue, joint pain and nausea sucks. The hot flashes, I can handle. Give me a fan and I am happy. I really hate that something that can save my life makes me feel so bad. :( I guess I'm just having one of those bad days.
Still looking for a place to live. The one good this is that my baby boy is turning 1 year old on Sat. He likes being around lots of people so this party should be fun. He is walking ... well he can walk until he gets excited..lol it's funny to watch.
Looking at my kids pushes me to take these pills. I know it won't be forever but 2-5 years seems a long time. I tell you, my faith in God and and constant reminders of God's promises to me... I really don't know how I would have gone thru this. Thank You God.
Still looking for a place to live. The one good this is that my baby boy is turning 1 year old on Sat. He likes being around lots of people so this party should be fun. He is walking ... well he can walk until he gets excited..lol it's funny to watch.
Looking at my kids pushes me to take these pills. I know it won't be forever but 2-5 years seems a long time. I tell you, my faith in God and and constant reminders of God's promises to me... I really don't know how I would have gone thru this. Thank You God.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Hot lemon water benefits cancer
Well I am feeling somewhat better.. I'm still very very fatigued. I am able to deal with the hot flashes for now.. Fans are becoming my best my friends..lol I'm trying something new Hot lemon water. I am suppose to drink it every day. I just started today. It would be nicer if I had started in the winter but if this is going to help keep my cancer away I will drink it anytime. check it out http://www.livestrong.com/article/298141-benefits-of-lemon-juice-cancer/
Not only is it the Vitamin C that is beneficial, but ...
Not only is it the Vitamin C that is beneficial, but ...
Limonoids
Lemons and
limes contain disease-fighting compounds known as limonoids. The human
body is able to readily absorb a specific, long-acting limonoid known as
limonin, according to the US Agricultural Research Service. Both
lemons and limes contain nearly as much limonin as they do vitamin C.
The results of a 2001 culture study summarized in "Nutrition and
Cancer," revealed that this compound, at a concentration of 100 mcg/mL,
was effective at partially inhibiting the growth of human ovarian
cancer cells and inducing the death of breast cancer cells.
I got this info from another blog. It can't hurt to try it. It seems like even if you don't have cancer that this can help you to be healthier.
Friday, April 27, 2012
No Chemo (kinda long)
Ok yesterday I had a consultation with an Infertility doctor. My Oncologist wanted me to meet with her to help make my decision about chemo.
First I don't need chemo. It would be more of an insurance policy for me. Killing off cancer cells just in case some stray active ones are in there. It will take my chances of cancer showing up in 10 years somewhere else from 15% to 12%. I will be on hormone therapy (tamoxifen) for 5 years but since I want to have at least 1 more child she agree to only 2 years then try to get pregnant then after the baby go back on for 3 years. If I don't take the tamoxifen, my chances of getting cancer again is 45%.. so with that said I NEED the tamoxifen!
This has not been an easy decision. I have been begging God for some help, BEGGING, He kept telling me to wait , hold still, I will know the answer. Well that sucks He knows how I am about waiting...lol I was leaning toward taking the chemo..Why? I was scared. I didn't want to go thru this again. I was afraid I dying, not being here for my husband, my kids and new baby boy. Just plain scared. Even after meeting with the Oncologist twice, I wasn't feeling the chemo 100%. Many family members wanted me to take the chemo, my daughter supports whatever I decide(that didn't help)..lol, my husband didn't, some friends said not to,others said do it. I started reading post on a breast cancer website from women who have the same cancer I do. All of that left me even more confused then ever. Then I stopped begging and turned it over to God. Early one morning while in prayer God told me He never left me, I I let go of his hand, that's why I was so scared. I forgot His promise when all of this first started. "This will not kill me" That does not guarantee that the cancer will never come back... nothing can guarantee that but my major fear of dying has been calmed. When I let go of the fear and grabbed hold of God's hand again, confirmation started coming from everywhere that I don't need chemo. I feel secure in my decision, my heart is at peace now. If the cancer comes back I truly believe it would have came back no matter what I could have done. Nothing is 100% . I will be taking on a healthier lifestyle than what I have been living. I know I need to take better care of myself than I have been. Thank You God for believing in me and trusting me and never leaving my side. Some people might say the devil put fear in me but the devil had nothing to do with this. I had to learn to trust God always and completely. Once I let go of the fear, the answer came to me so fast. That is the lesson I learned, You can't go to God with fear in your heart. Let go of the fear and trust Him. He will answer you.
Ok back to the Infertility doctor. I found out that I am very very fertile YAYYYY ME!!! I do have fibroids. One that is in my uterus that needs to be removed, Other than that everything looks very good. She said we can harvest some eggs and freeze them so when I want to get pregnant I will have strong eggs. If I do have chemo I will become infertile. That was the last nail in the chemo coffin.( plus I didn't want to lose my hair.. I just started to let it grow). There have been plenty of women who become pregnant after taking tamoxifen. Since I am no where near menopause and have young ovaries, I am no longer worried about being pushed into menopause by the tamoxifen. Now this whole invetro thing is very expensive and there is some financial help from the Lance Armstrong organization but there is still $5000 we would have to pay. So what am I going to do........ Put it in prayer and hand it over to God. He hasn't failed me. I need to make a decision within the next week because I have to start some kind of treatment very very very soon. So this is the cancer side of my life. The other side of my life is a bit crazy right now that is a whole separate story tooo long to put here right now. This whole cancer this still gets me down sometimes.. I guess I just tired of dealing with it. Well I got to call my Oncologist and let her know what I have decided.
Holding onto God real tight right now!
First I don't need chemo. It would be more of an insurance policy for me. Killing off cancer cells just in case some stray active ones are in there. It will take my chances of cancer showing up in 10 years somewhere else from 15% to 12%. I will be on hormone therapy (tamoxifen) for 5 years but since I want to have at least 1 more child she agree to only 2 years then try to get pregnant then after the baby go back on for 3 years. If I don't take the tamoxifen, my chances of getting cancer again is 45%.. so with that said I NEED the tamoxifen!
This has not been an easy decision. I have been begging God for some help, BEGGING, He kept telling me to wait , hold still, I will know the answer. Well that sucks He knows how I am about waiting...lol I was leaning toward taking the chemo..Why? I was scared. I didn't want to go thru this again. I was afraid I dying, not being here for my husband, my kids and new baby boy. Just plain scared. Even after meeting with the Oncologist twice, I wasn't feeling the chemo 100%. Many family members wanted me to take the chemo, my daughter supports whatever I decide(that didn't help)..lol, my husband didn't, some friends said not to,others said do it. I started reading post on a breast cancer website from women who have the same cancer I do. All of that left me even more confused then ever. Then I stopped begging and turned it over to God. Early one morning while in prayer God told me He never left me, I I let go of his hand, that's why I was so scared. I forgot His promise when all of this first started. "This will not kill me" That does not guarantee that the cancer will never come back... nothing can guarantee that but my major fear of dying has been calmed. When I let go of the fear and grabbed hold of God's hand again, confirmation started coming from everywhere that I don't need chemo. I feel secure in my decision, my heart is at peace now. If the cancer comes back I truly believe it would have came back no matter what I could have done. Nothing is 100% . I will be taking on a healthier lifestyle than what I have been living. I know I need to take better care of myself than I have been. Thank You God for believing in me and trusting me and never leaving my side. Some people might say the devil put fear in me but the devil had nothing to do with this. I had to learn to trust God always and completely. Once I let go of the fear, the answer came to me so fast. That is the lesson I learned, You can't go to God with fear in your heart. Let go of the fear and trust Him. He will answer you.
Ok back to the Infertility doctor. I found out that I am very very fertile YAYYYY ME!!! I do have fibroids. One that is in my uterus that needs to be removed, Other than that everything looks very good. She said we can harvest some eggs and freeze them so when I want to get pregnant I will have strong eggs. If I do have chemo I will become infertile. That was the last nail in the chemo coffin.( plus I didn't want to lose my hair.. I just started to let it grow). There have been plenty of women who become pregnant after taking tamoxifen. Since I am no where near menopause and have young ovaries, I am no longer worried about being pushed into menopause by the tamoxifen. Now this whole invetro thing is very expensive and there is some financial help from the Lance Armstrong organization but there is still $5000 we would have to pay. So what am I going to do........ Put it in prayer and hand it over to God. He hasn't failed me. I need to make a decision within the next week because I have to start some kind of treatment very very very soon. So this is the cancer side of my life. The other side of my life is a bit crazy right now that is a whole separate story tooo long to put here right now. This whole cancer this still gets me down sometimes.. I guess I just tired of dealing with it. Well I got to call my Oncologist and let her know what I have decided.
Holding onto God real tight right now!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Blessings
I haven't written much lately because I have been pleasantly distracted. We picked up our soon to be adopted son Dylan (10 months) on Good Friday. God has blessed me with this little boy. Giving him to me at the most perfect time. Everything that I'm going thru right now I needed somebody who needs me more than anything. I don't think about what I don't have or even what I want. I have somebody who needs are a little more important than mine. Matt made sure I was healed enough to be able to care for Dylan. He even was a little surprise how well I was doing with him. I knew I was ready for this baby. He is the one person in my life that does not know about the breast cancer. He doesn't treat me gingerly as a matter of fact I get pushed in my chest often. Good thing I'm still numb there..lol. I still can't believe I am doing this all over again. Ohh yeahhh did I tell you that this baby looks like me..lol This little boy has won my heart. I don't dwell on the bad stuff any more. Evey thing is positive now, looking forward to many many many years with my kids. Mommy loves you Chardiney, Jayson and Dylan.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
My Birthday
March 28, I have turned 42 today. The last year has been a whirlwind for me. I have had 2 surgeries (gall bladder removed & breast cancer) I got married to the most loving man made for me. I feel as tho my relationship with my son and daughter has grown deeper and stronger. My family is growing in leaps and bounds. We got a cat named Jacob and soon my lil baby boy Dylan. He will be with me on Good Friday.
I can't imagine this year past year without my husband. I love him more than word can express. He has given me strength to fight. He is my King, my partner. I had asked God for a man that goes to church. God laughed at me and gave a Bishop...lol. Being a pastor's wife is the last thing in the world I ever thought I will be. I am learning and I am enjoying this road that God has put me on.
I am thankful I am on this earth for another year. As I look back, I notice my obedience has made the last year easier. I didn't make a move unless God told me to. Every decision God was consulted. Everything I have been thru has been a learning experience. My faith and trust in the Lord has gotten me this far and I plan on holding His hand for rest of the journey. I'm starting to believe that sometimes he let go of my hand to allow me to feel the human side so I understand how it feels, so when the time comes I can really help some else in the same situation. But knowing no matter what, all I have to do is reach out and He will be there to take my hand again.
God has a big plan he is preparing me for. This molding process has been tough and i know he is not finished.
I'm excited about this year. So I'm holding on tight to God cause this is going to be one very interesting journey.
I can't imagine this year past year without my husband. I love him more than word can express. He has given me strength to fight. He is my King, my partner. I had asked God for a man that goes to church. God laughed at me and gave a Bishop...lol. Being a pastor's wife is the last thing in the world I ever thought I will be. I am learning and I am enjoying this road that God has put me on.
I am thankful I am on this earth for another year. As I look back, I notice my obedience has made the last year easier. I didn't make a move unless God told me to. Every decision God was consulted. Everything I have been thru has been a learning experience. My faith and trust in the Lord has gotten me this far and I plan on holding His hand for rest of the journey. I'm starting to believe that sometimes he let go of my hand to allow me to feel the human side so I understand how it feels, so when the time comes I can really help some else in the same situation. But knowing no matter what, all I have to do is reach out and He will be there to take my hand again.
God has a big plan he is preparing me for. This molding process has been tough and i know he is not finished.
I'm excited about this year. So I'm holding on tight to God cause this is going to be one very interesting journey.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Chemo or No Chemo???????
Well I met with my oncologist yesterday. She explained my pathology report in more detail to me. She also answered all my questions. I left that appointment feeling very informed and a little more equipped. I found out that I had 4 lymph nodes removed instead of 1. And I had what she considers"good cancer" and my oncotype score was not bad. she gave me the impression that she isn't completely sold on me benefiting from chemo. Since I am only 5 weeks out from surgery, we still have time to decide on treatment.
I know all the pros and cons now. pros for taking the chemo:
1. Reduces the chances of the cancer coming back in 10 years from 15% to 12%
2. I will loose the hair on my legs = no shaving this summer..lol
3. I will only need 4 rounds chemo
4. I will save money on hair care products.
Ok the cons of chemo
1. I finally let my hair grow...bye bye ( this is not fair, can't I just loose my leg hair)
2. my reconstruction will have to be postponed until 6 weeks after chemo (I really don't like this one) Instead of having it done in May or June.
3. good chance it will make me infertile
4. wearing a wig in the summer is HOT
5. no amusement parks for me this summer
6. toxic meds will be going thru my body
7. it's not 100% that the cancer won't come back some place else on my body
8. I will loose my eyebrows and eye lashes ( OH **** NOO) I don't want to be drawing on my face to look normal, it will be bad enough that I have 1 fake boob. the hair everywhere else can go. Leave the hair on my head..lol
9. Other chemo side effects.....yuck
10. fibromyalgia and chemo does not sound like a good combo.
That's all I can think of now. If I look at it from the positive side. without it I have a 85% chance of it not coming back some place else. 85% is not bad. Plus with a healthy diet and lifestyle I should be good to go. I have put this in God's hands. He did tell me to wait to make a decision. So I am waiting right now. I have time. So chemo or no chemo.... I don't know yet.
I know all the pros and cons now. pros for taking the chemo:
1. Reduces the chances of the cancer coming back in 10 years from 15% to 12%
2. I will loose the hair on my legs = no shaving this summer..lol
3. I will only need 4 rounds chemo
4. I will save money on hair care products.
Ok the cons of chemo
1. I finally let my hair grow...bye bye ( this is not fair, can't I just loose my leg hair)
2. my reconstruction will have to be postponed until 6 weeks after chemo (I really don't like this one) Instead of having it done in May or June.
3. good chance it will make me infertile
4. wearing a wig in the summer is HOT
5. no amusement parks for me this summer
6. toxic meds will be going thru my body
7. it's not 100% that the cancer won't come back some place else on my body
8. I will loose my eyebrows and eye lashes ( OH **** NOO) I don't want to be drawing on my face to look normal, it will be bad enough that I have 1 fake boob. the hair everywhere else can go. Leave the hair on my head..lol
9. Other chemo side effects.....yuck
10. fibromyalgia and chemo does not sound like a good combo.
That's all I can think of now. If I look at it from the positive side. without it I have a 85% chance of it not coming back some place else. 85% is not bad. Plus with a healthy diet and lifestyle I should be good to go. I have put this in God's hands. He did tell me to wait to make a decision. So I am waiting right now. I have time. So chemo or no chemo.... I don't know yet.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Driving
I drove today. I haven't driven a car since about a week before my surgery. It felt kinda weird and liberating at the same time. I am sore now. I still have to take it kinda easy. I still can't reach but so far with my right side. Plus I have pain all along my right side of my back. I got my first fill Thursday. My chest feels tight. I still have to compress that side for 1 more week. The Dr. told me it hasn't been 6 weeks yet. I was like "What?" It feels like it. Sleep is uncomfortable again... I guess it's back to my comfy recliner.
I want to throw a big party next year for my birthday next year. 43 will be awesome because I know in 1 year I will be back to normal in every way. All my surgeries for reconstruction will be done.I will be feeling strong again.This birthday I will be happy I made it. Next year I will be happy I survived.
Well back to the driving part.... The Dr. told me it hurts because I haven't used that muscle much. So I can drive short distances. So I guess I won't be back to work yet since my job requires me to drive around the city. Plus driving today I think made my chest hurt. I kept wanting to drive with my right hand. I was in pain every time I did! I had to act like I had a stick shift to keep from putting my right hand on the wheel. But I still did it. I was able to drive my car from the old apartment to our new home. I unpacked part of my kitchen then I needed a nap. Matt and Jay took care of the living room and the dining room. I slowly did the bathroom and I will work on our bedroom and finish the kitchen this week. I won't be driving unless I have to. But it still felt good to drive again.
I want to throw a big party next year for my birthday next year. 43 will be awesome because I know in 1 year I will be back to normal in every way. All my surgeries for reconstruction will be done.I will be feeling strong again.This birthday I will be happy I made it. Next year I will be happy I survived.
Well back to the driving part.... The Dr. told me it hurts because I haven't used that muscle much. So I can drive short distances. So I guess I won't be back to work yet since my job requires me to drive around the city. Plus driving today I think made my chest hurt. I kept wanting to drive with my right hand. I was in pain every time I did! I had to act like I had a stick shift to keep from putting my right hand on the wheel. But I still did it. I was able to drive my car from the old apartment to our new home. I unpacked part of my kitchen then I needed a nap. Matt and Jay took care of the living room and the dining room. I slowly did the bathroom and I will work on our bedroom and finish the kitchen this week. I won't be driving unless I have to. But it still felt good to drive again.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
What a difference a year makes!
Next Wednesday I will be 42. So in 1 year I have lost a gall bladder and a breast. But I have gained a wonderful, loving husband(Matthew Bradby) and soon a baby boy(Dylan), I have a new home and a fabulous church family. I have been blessed with so many new friends thru Facebook. I have also gain a closeness with God that I wouldn't have made it thru the rough times without.And my faith in God is stronger! Am I the same person? Hmmm I'm still caring, loving and all those nice things people say..lol What is different..... I'm happier, stronger mentally, I allow myself to cry. I have proven to myself that I am a lot tougher than I thought. I'm still hard headed...lol (God is working with me on that one)
Because of this breast cancer, my life will never be the same. I have to look at everything different now. I was looking at summer dresses and tank tops yesterday and I had consider how much of my scar will show. I never had to even think about that before. Even in the grocery store I had to watch what food I buy..Organic food is expensive but the other stuff is unhealthy for me. The funny thing was I use to think Fibromyalgia was tough. Yeah I did have to change how I did some things .....but it just seemed easier.
What a difference a year makes!! Some might look at last year of my life as being bad, I look at it as being great!!! There were lessons learned. Every wall that was put in front of me I have knocked down and moved closer to my destiny. These are lessons I will need to master in order to move to my next level. I must be learning fast with so many of then hitting me in 1 year...lol The biggest lesson I have learned (this is the one God has been trying to get me to learn most of my life) is to have more faith in myself, trust your gut,trust your strength and always remember God will never leave your side.
Because of this breast cancer, my life will never be the same. I have to look at everything different now. I was looking at summer dresses and tank tops yesterday and I had consider how much of my scar will show. I never had to even think about that before. Even in the grocery store I had to watch what food I buy..Organic food is expensive but the other stuff is unhealthy for me. The funny thing was I use to think Fibromyalgia was tough. Yeah I did have to change how I did some things .....but it just seemed easier.
What a difference a year makes!! Some might look at last year of my life as being bad, I look at it as being great!!! There were lessons learned. Every wall that was put in front of me I have knocked down and moved closer to my destiny. These are lessons I will need to master in order to move to my next level. I must be learning fast with so many of then hitting me in 1 year...lol The biggest lesson I have learned (this is the one God has been trying to get me to learn most of my life) is to have more faith in myself, trust your gut,trust your strength and always remember God will never leave your side.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Feeling almost normal
Today is a good day, even tho I have a headache that won't go away(sinuses I guess) But still a good day. I put on a sports bra today. I finally took the white surgical vest I had to wear off. I have to wear it tomorrow when I get my first fill but today I feel somewhat normal. With all the bandages I have to wear for compression tucked inside the sports bra I look normal. Even a lil cleavage...lol.
I talked to lady from SOS a breast cancer survivors group. She like my attitude about cancer. I had told her that I know that everybody have cancer cells in their bodies but for some reason mine have ADHD and want to party in my body...lol it sucks! I was good talking to her because she was diagnosed at the same age I was and understood all of my concerns. I think that group will be good for me. I know its nothing big but a big step for me.. :-)
I talked to lady from SOS a breast cancer survivors group. She like my attitude about cancer. I had told her that I know that everybody have cancer cells in their bodies but for some reason mine have ADHD and want to party in my body...lol it sucks! I was good talking to her because she was diagnosed at the same age I was and understood all of my concerns. I think that group will be good for me. I know its nothing big but a big step for me.. :-)
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Moved
Ok We have moved into our new home. Thanks to Janet Garland for coming over at the last minute and staying with me late last night. Thanks to the guys for helping, I will be cooking a Big thank you dinner for everybody. Matt wouldn't let me do too much but pack some things. That alone was enough. I am sore all over. I mean every muscle in my body is aching. It is mostly my fibromyalgia flaring up. I didn't get any sleep yesterday so my body is over tired. I kinda new I would be flaring up today but I'm still thankful to be in my new home. I do have to get use to steps again......UGGGGG..That is the only thing I miss about the apartment..lol.
Now my breast cancer ... I am doing very well. I had a couple of muscle spams but doing better and better everyday. I get my first fill in my tissue expander on Thursday. I'm a little nervous but ready to move forward. Meet with the oncologist next week. I got my list of questions and concerns ready. I know I need to make a lot of changes in my life to stay as cancer free as possible. Sucks my cancer cells want to have a party in my body.
Now we got more room, next step is to get my new baby boy Dylan. right now its all up to me. I need to get well enough to be able to pick him up. He is 9 months old and a lil chunky thing..lol He is such a cutie pie. I hope to have him home with us by Easter.
So today I will be resting and looking at all these boxes. My body has told me enough and shutting things down for the day. That's one thing about fibromyalgia, it will not let me get away with pushing my body.. I will suffer for it later. Hopefully this flare up only last 1 day. So its a day of TV and sleep for me.
Now my breast cancer ... I am doing very well. I had a couple of muscle spams but doing better and better everyday. I get my first fill in my tissue expander on Thursday. I'm a little nervous but ready to move forward. Meet with the oncologist next week. I got my list of questions and concerns ready. I know I need to make a lot of changes in my life to stay as cancer free as possible. Sucks my cancer cells want to have a party in my body.
Now we got more room, next step is to get my new baby boy Dylan. right now its all up to me. I need to get well enough to be able to pick him up. He is 9 months old and a lil chunky thing..lol He is such a cutie pie. I hope to have him home with us by Easter.
So today I will be resting and looking at all these boxes. My body has told me enough and shutting things down for the day. That's one thing about fibromyalgia, it will not let me get away with pushing my body.. I will suffer for it later. Hopefully this flare up only last 1 day. So its a day of TV and sleep for me.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Not sure what to think
Today I found out a dear friend got a call back from her mammogram Friday. She is calling them back Monday. Because of what I have gone thru she went and had a mammogram. She asked me to pray for her. Of course I will. I told her to call me as soon after she gets off the pone with them. I really didn't know what to say. I didn't want to give her false hope that everything will be OK cause you never know. I just read that 1 in every 8 women will be diagnose with breast cancer in their life. What kind of odds are those? That makes no sense. What is causing so many women come down with this disease. Did you know that 14000 women were diagnose with breast cancer in Australia in 2010? That's just Australia. This is a crazy life long battle. First it was the surgery and now preventive measures to keep it from coming back. I have to rethink everything now. How I eat, how I take care of my body. This whole thing is just mind-blowing when you try to take it all in at one time. I feel for my girlfriend. I am praying she doesn't have to join this club. The people in it are great but we are not here because we want to be in this club.
I know early detection is very important and I know that it is why my time has been as "easy" as it has. If I didn't catch it as early as I did probably at this time It would have spread to my lymph nodes and on its why thru out my body. Nobody could have paid me enough a year ago for me to believe I would have breast cancer now. To this day it's still hard to believe.
I know early detection is very important and I know that it is why my time has been as "easy" as it has. If I didn't catch it as early as I did probably at this time It would have spread to my lymph nodes and on its why thru out my body. Nobody could have paid me enough a year ago for me to believe I would have breast cancer now. To this day it's still hard to believe.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Promises were kept.
I was promised that all I needed was surgery. And yes that was all I needed to get rid of the present cancer. God kept his promise to me. He also told it it wasn't going to be easy. I had questioned that because I actually having a easy time healing with no problems or complications. I thought I had this cancer thing in the bag, thrown out, gone, CANCER FREE. Well God did keep his promise, all I needed was surgery to rid my body of this cancer. Then I find out that there was more cancer in my breast then what was first found and my test score came back higher then I had expected. So I asked God "What is up with this? You promised all I needed was surgery." Now the fight is to keep it from coming back. This is so much harder than I ever expected. Some people reactions are really throwing for a loop. I am so scared...so so scared. I don't want to go thru this again. Nothing is guaranteed. God did tell me I wouldn't die from this. Did he mean breast cancer or cancer in general? I'm praying for help in this decision. I'm being told to wait. I guess the answer will be clear when the time is right. My surgeon said that the oncology team highly recommend chemo because of my young age and that multiple tumors were found. I believe that if i didn't have the surgery when I did, it would have spread to my lymph nodes then there wouldn't be any questions. But God had my Dr. move quickly cause he was concerned about my lymph nodes. Sometimes I wonder if I should have had my other breast removed but I don't think that would have helped much since the cancer can show up else where in my body ie: bones,liver.
What to do...what to do..All God is telling me right now is wait. That is what I have been doing but the wait is not easy. God has been honest with me and no matter what others may think He is what have been guiding me. He has not steered me wrong yet on this journey. I'm holding on to my faith with all my might. I was told this will be tough... I guess this is the rough, rocky road I'm about to travel. All I can do is strap on my seat belt and had God the keys.
What to do...what to do..All God is telling me right now is wait. That is what I have been doing but the wait is not easy. God has been honest with me and no matter what others may think He is what have been guiding me. He has not steered me wrong yet on this journey. I'm holding on to my faith with all my might. I was told this will be tough... I guess this is the rough, rocky road I'm about to travel. All I can do is strap on my seat belt and had God the keys.
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