Feeling some kind of way

I'm feeling some kind of way today.  Today is the day I get the results of the OncotypeDX Test (tells me the chances of the cancer coming back).  I find out if I need chemo or not.  I know God told me "just surgery"  He also told me I will be ok.  Me and my family have been given so many blessings sine we found out about the cancer.  God has told me this road will be tough and hard but it will be worth it in the end.  I was also told that there are more blessings to come.

While looking over the paperwork and my pathology report I notice that my cancer had changed.  When it was first found they were a stage 0 and stage 1.  By the time of surgery they were a stage 1 and stage 2.  The tumors had grown larger. So I know several of my other numbers that they use as markers must have increased. That is why I am concerned.  I wonder if the original treatment plan has changed.  God has me on this road where I don't know where I going and all I know is I will be ok at the end.  This is not easy to surrender all to God (especially when I like to control everything...lol)  I know this is a test of my faith and each time I hold on He blesses me for my obedience. I'm not sure if being scared is what I'm feeling or worry.. I don't know what it is I just feel some kind of way.

I still don't like taking a shower.  I haven't gotten use to my new body.  The good thing is that when I went to church this past Sunday, you couldn't tell anything was gone cause I have so  much padding compressing me I look almost even.lol   I know I will have new boobs by summer..... There goes that test of patience again I guess..lol.. This blog has been great therapy. I have been reading other survivors stories too.  They seem to help a lot. So tonight I find out how I will be spending my spring and summer.  All I keep hearing is God saying" I got you"

PATHOLOGY REPORT

The Dr. called me last night with the pathology report.  I had 2 tumors, the 1st was a stage 0 DCIS tumor. Pretty much meaning it was 1cm or smaller in found in my milk ducts. The 2nd  was a stage 1(the mammogram found this one) invasive tumor, this one was a little over 2cm in size.  Both are fed by estrogen.  So with all that said there is another test I have to have done.  Its called OncotypeDX.  Because my cancer was found so early and it did not spread to lymph nodes and its estrogen fed, I qualify for the test.  This test determines the probability of the cancer coming back.. There is a score from 0 to 100 the lower the score, the less  chance of recurrence.  A score of 0 to 8  no need for chem.  9 -30 need to consider possibility of needing chemo, 31 and above I really need to consider chemo.  So I have to wait another 2 weeks for those results. God is truly teaching me patience...lol  So I won't know how I am going to be treated for another 2 weeks. I guess that's good with everything not hitting me all at once. I just kinda feel its just dragging out longer. Oh well like I have said before this is God's plan and I can't rush Him, so I will just sit back and enjoy the ride because God is in control and He keeps telling me "I GOT YOU"

Surgery :( :)

My surgery is scheduled for Feb 15, 2012. 7:30 am.  My life will change that day.  Last night I had another biopsy done cause my lymph nodes were inflamed and the Dr. is concerned that the cancer is draining there.  I find out tonight if it's cancer.  If so I can't have reconstruction right away even if I want it. I have been praying it's just an infection from the last biopsy. My brain is kinda numb it's like some crazy dream I can't wake up from. This is so hard to believe this is happening to me. But you know what.. I'm gonna find something to laugh about everyday, even if it just some pretty flowers to look at and smell.  My positive mind will be working overdrive.  This will not overtake me mentally!  So get ready world a crazier and stronger Candy is about to be unleashed!  Ok Now I need a superhero name..Hmmmmm.  So with my battle cry and superhero name...Cancer doesn't have a chance...lol  GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME!!!!!!!!!!

Long Day 2/2/2012

My tough shell is cracking. Yesterday is making everything real. I had to go apply for temp disability.  It was a bit crazy everybody...not everybody but it was a very trying time getting to the right person to help me.  I even burst into tears in the office but that's when they found somebody to help me.  He was very kind and understanding.He even had me laughing by the time I left his office.

I started taking the anti anxiety  meds the Dr. gave me.  I really thought I wouldn't need them but I feel like I'm on the verge of crying at any moment.   So don't walk up to me with bad breath, I just might burst into tears from the  smell....hehehe... maybe not that bad but close.   But don't tip toe around me.... if my breath is bad Please tell me.  please don't take me tears personal...They seem to run out my eyes on their own these days..lol  Goodness I was apologizing in the lady's office crying and telling her I'm ok.. I know I looked crazy..lol

It's funny I have never felt God around me more than I do now. Even when I have my private moments of falling apart He is there holding me letting me know that am ok and it's ok to feel the way I do. At times I feel kinda crazy.. I have been content, sad, depressed, silly, and even happy. I can't seem to feel anger.  I kinda feel like I can't get angry at God's plan.  Everything will work out in the end and then I will understand why I had to go  through this.  I have look at how my experiences in my past has prepared me to deal with what is happening now.  Goodness if this had happen five or ten years ago, I would have been a babbling mess...lol.  My relationship with God has taught me, things happens for a reason and He will NEVER leave me alone.  So with Matt on one side and God on the other and my kids around....I will conquer any battle that comes my way.  that's it.. I need a battle cry like in the movie Red Tails.... I gotta think on that 

More testing

Well I had  genetic testing and I don't carry the BRAC 1 or 2 gene for breast cancer... so that is good news.  I had an MRI done on Jan 18th.  That was no fun.  Met with the Dr. on Jan. 24th. I had to have another biopsy cause some calcification was found on the MRI. Also found out what they recommended for me. The treatment plan is that to have a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction of the right breast, no lymph nodes removed, plus no chemo or radiation. I got a call on Jan. 20th from my Dr.  they had found more cancer. So the mastectomy is the best for me. Now I wait for my Dr. to find a plastic surgeon that takes my insurance so we can plan my surgery.  I'm scared and excited at the same time because I will be even stronger in mind, body and spirit after all is said and done.