Week 6 & 7 Recovery

 Well I had a little bit of an issue early in 6th week... but it was the nerves waking up and it was painful.  It let me dizzy and just felt bad.  It only lasted a couple of days.  But the pain shows up off and on and throws me off. I'm getting out and walking more.  I just can't walk as fast as I use to ....dizziness kicks in so slow going for me.  I had a great time for my birthday(March 28).  Had breakfast with my mom and then a long nap(3 hours) then dinner with hubby at a hibachi restaurant.  It was fun.  I was concerned if the noise from the chef would bother me and it didn't.  The lights were low and it wasn't real noisy.  I loved it.  Then my daughter came in town to pamper me.  So her and her best friend Symone took me to the MAC store to get my makeup done.  I felt nice to brighten up my look. It felt to nice to feel pretty. I enjoyed being in the mall.  I has been a long time since I have been able to walk around a mall.  We got there early to make it easier on me. By the time we left it was pretty busy and things were bothering me. Between the lights and the people and just mall noise it was getting to be a bit much and I started to get pains in my head.  Then we went to get our nails done.  That was nice and relaxing. It has been over a year since I had my nails done so I enjoyed the pampering.  Then we went to a nice Mexican restaurant that reminded Nay of Texas. I needed a very long nap after that day. 

Now week 7.  I went to church (where my husband is the pastor) Sunday.  Loved it.  I miss my Faith Church Baltimore family and fellowship.  I was tired but it was a good tired.  The noise bother me some.  My head feels like it is tightening along the incision and I still get shocks of sharp pains  at time.  I drove this week.  I had to take Dylan to the DR. for a checkup.  I did good driving.  Now having a toddler all day by myself is another story. I get tired very easy.  I don't have the energy to care for a 2 year old all day.  I thank God for Aunt Ann.  She has been a true blessing watching him during the day while I heal.  When I rest up during the day I have the energy to care for him when he comes home in the evening. 

Now I am experiencing a sweet taste in my mouth all the time.  I go to see the dr. next week.  I'm not getting headaches as much.  Just the sharp pains that come and go.  I can actually say I am feeling good. I feel my life is better since Mindy the Meningioma was removed.  I am getting stronger and stronger every day.  God gets all the Glory.  I trusted Him.  I trusted He would care for me and He did. I am proof that God will keep his promises. But that will be another whole post...lol.   I'm not 100% yet I would say 70%.  There are still some things I can't do but I am healing and happy.  I'm gonna try water aerobics this weekend to see if I can handle it. I am walking more than I was able to before the surgery.  I am taking one day at a time. But I am having more good days than bad.

So very Thankful. 

2012...WOW

This year has been a true challenge for me. My life has changed in ways I never would have imagined. But it all has not been bad.  Because of the cancer we found our baby boy  :)   Breast cancer and the unexpected hysterectomy and my 3 surgeries , 2 1/2 week hospital stay( pneumonia, tube in my nose to my stomach for 2 weeks, IV in my neck, almost heart attack...no muscle damage so it wasn't a heart attack,that is what the Dr.'s said, blood clot in my leg), and burning my hand.  All this happening while we had to move from a house that was literally falling apart, to our church(for a very short time) to our home now.  Our church was going thru transition during the same time.

 I survived!!!! With God and my husband I have made it. My faith in God is even stronger than ever before. I want to thank my mom and dad for their support. It would have been a lot tougher without their help. I want to thank Matt's family, his mom and aunts and cousin for caring for Dylan when I was in the hospital and while I was recovering.  This year I truly discovered that I have the best, loving, compassionate, fabulous children God can create. Chardiney and Jayson took such good care of me when I couldn't care for myself.  They are going to make great spouses and parents. Last but surely not least I want to thank my loving husband Matthew Bradby. He made me feel so loved and beautiful when I didn't feel the same.  He has been by side whenever I needed him.   I love him so much.  He took great care of the boys when I was in the hospital and worked and pastored the church and still came to see me every day. You know the part in the marriage vows for better or worst... I guess we got the worst out the way first. I am so thankful for him.

But this year wasn't all bad.  I added a new member to my family and I love him as tho I birthed him myself.  He has brought so much love and joy to our family... DYLAN.  My oldest child Chardiney graduated from Wesely College and is in grad school and join the Air Force Reserve. I couldn't be more proud of her. My son Jay stepped it up and took on more responsibility with caring for his brother and me.  So proud of the young man he is becoming.

2012 has taught me I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. God does answer prayers. He will take care of all your needs,,, you just have to ask.  Now I did say NEEDS.  Everything happens for a reason.  I am excited for 2013. God has been showing his power in my family's life quite a bit in the last couple of weeks. I will continue to praise Him and give thanks. Thank You Father God for loving me so much!

A Reason for Everything

I never asked why when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.   I knew there was a reason that God has allowed me to go through this journey.  I am starting to see the reason.  I have been meeting more and more women who are newly diagnosed with this monster.  My son just came home today telling me one of his close friend's mother has breast cancer and my daughter just had a friend of a friend come to her for advice because her mother was diagnosed with cancer.  My children and I are able to help others going thru this.  I can actually say it's a blessing because we are able to help others and if you know my kids you know they love being able to help other people.

My question is Why so many women coning down with this?... What is causing this?  I just don't understand.  All I can really do is trust God and allow him to use me and my kids to give others strength and support during this journey.

Post surgery

Wow that was an experience,  It was funny cause I didn't remember much that happened before my mastectomy last time.  That gosh darn lorazipan works wonders.  But this time I didn't take anything ... I was ready for this. I had the operating team laughing because I pretty much jump up on the table before they were ready for me..lol  Then afterwards ugggggggggg.. The pain was bad. it was getting close to labor pains.  I started to cry it was so bad.  I have a high pain threshold from dealing with the fibromyalgia.  That didn't make any difference I was hurting.. They kept giving me pain meds then they gave me liquid Tylenol.  That stuff works.  I'm on percocet now.  I seem to be in constant pain but not as bad as earlier.. It's like a burning sensation on the left side of my chest. I keep being told the results are worth it..  HMMMMMM they better be nice...lol  this mess hurts.

The good thing is I am able to move around better today.. got all that pain meds and anesthesia  from the hospital out of my system. My head doesn't feel fuzzy anymore. Now don't get me wrong I am so ever thankful for being able to have this surgery.  There are so many women that can't have reconstruction surgery for one reason or another. I have read the stories of my cancer friends and they seem to be going thru so much more than me.  I pray for them everyday.  These are some tough women. They make my journey look like a walk in the park. They still support and encourage me when needed. 

I am looking forward to healing so I can hold my baby Dylan again.  I kept kissing on him yesterday morning. He was looking at me like he knew why. I can't wait until I am able to tale him to the pool.  My big boy Jay has been such a blessing I really can't imagine life with out him. Nay couldn't come down because it was her first day on the job.  Last but definitely not least my hubby... he even went without food because I couldn't eat.  I love him so so much..

So now I focus on healing and moving.  Still got stuff to pack. I'm going to more of a director than anything else.  What a busy week we have.

Renewed Inspiriation

It's funny how God works.  Yesterday was my baby boy Dylan's 1st birthday.  Now lately I have been getting frustrated with having to deal with the side effects of the tamoxifen  to the point I just wanted to stop taking it.  Well after seeing my kids yesterday, my fab daughter Nay just graduating from college and Jay almost in Highschool and lil Dylan.. his life is just starting and don't forget my husband... the smiles on his face yesterday. I have to be around for a very very long time.  God is only going to do so much... I have to do my part also.

One of my husband's oldest friends told me yesterday that this is the happiest they have ever seen my husband in his life.  I wanted to cry.  I turned around and looked at him laughing with family, Jay running around with the little ones, Nay chatting away with friend and Dylan toddling around...all smiles.  This is all I ever wanted, to see my family happy.  I was very happy that my little brother Cory stopped by. Family is so very important to me. Family is worth fighting for my life.  God is not going to fight alone. I have to do my part.

God knows I am hardheaded.  So he will wait until he knows I will listen after I have suffered some. Knowing I will hear what He has to say.  This time he didn't have to speak.  He just showed me. When your eyes are opened by God it's very.....hmmmmmm.. I  can't even think of a word to describe the feeling.  I just know what needs to be done to get what I want.

Thank you God for my family as crazy and eclectic as they may be, I love them... thank you for renewing my need to fight this cancer with everything I have. 

Bitter sweet weekend

This weekend has been a difficult one.  I have shed tears of happiness and sorrow.  My oldest child graduated from college yesterday and my husband's grandmother passed away on Friday.  My husband was extremely close to his grandmother. I didn't know her for long but I had grown to love her and how her family interacted with her was beautiful.

 Then you have my daughter great accomplishment. I drove passed her freshman dorm. I want to cry. I remember watching her walk away from the car, so excited to start her college career. I remember the calls of happiness, sadness, or just "I miss you mommy call"or the famous "I need money call".  I welcomed them all. I had met her sorority sisters and close friends that have been there for her. It was pretty cool to see the Dean of Students make a point to come over to tell her to keep her head up about a job opp in Indiana. She knows people there. She has such a bright future. I feel like I did my job, I had help make her into a productive citizen. I remember when she was born and bringing her home.  I remember looking at this little baby thinking, OMG I am responsible for making her an adult. Honestly it wasn't that hard.  There were some challenges, I just provided her with everything she needed physically, mentally and emotionally. And she turned out perfect in my eyes.  I was reading her scrapbook and the things her administrators wrote in it just showed me the world thinks she is wonderful too. I can proudly say I did a good job. I have done something right in my life.  ok enough about her... got me crying again thinking about everything.

Now my husband......my heart is breaking to see him in so much pain. I personally have not lost someone that close to me. I knew how much he loved his grandmother, so I knew this time would be difficult. I have come to love his family dearly and to see them hurting is heartbreaking. All I can do is just hug them and let them talk about her.  I will be there when he wants me close and give him space when he needs it. I had prayed and asked God how can I help him best.  He told me to love him thru this...that's all he need from me. So I guess that's what I will be doing. Grief is tough.

The Oncotype test results (chemo or no chemo)

 I went to see my surgeon yesterday to get the results of my Oncotype DX test.(to see if I need chemo) plus get a better understanding of my pathology report. Well the pathology report was good. my margins were clear and nodes negative. I originally had 2 tumors they found a 3rd. and the Dcis was 4.1 cm and no metastases, so the mastectomy was the best thing for me. so I had Stage 1A cancer. He said this was the best type to have.   Now normally that would be treated with just tamoxifen for 5 years BUT..... My Oncotype DX test was a 23 which put me in the middle of the middle of the chart for benefiting from chemo. The test tells me I have a 15% chance of the cancer coming back in 10 years or 85% of it never coming back. My surgeon is consulting with a team of 3 Oncologist today and will tell me what was said later this evening and then I will consult with them. This really suck because it falls in my hands on what to do. I didn't know where else to turn. Of course my husband doesn't want me to go thru chemo neither do I but it's one thing to not want it but need it (like the surgery)and another to not want it and maybe you will or maybe you wont benefit from it. How do you make such a decision for your life. This is so unfair Cancer sucks. I'm not looking for someone to make this decision for me. 

 God told me this morning that my fight is just beginning.  I know that I have way too much to live for.  I feel like I should flip a coin because this whole this is really up to chance. God tells me things change.  It has just really hit me that this is a fight I will be fighting for the rest of my life. My husband and children need me.  My daughter and I are planning a trip to Paris next year to celebrate me beating this mess.  I'm Mad now. I know some women are having a harder time then I am and I know my cancer is easier to deal with but this whole cancer this is just wrong. I still don't know what me decision will be i still need to meet with the Oncologist after my surgeon does.  I'm praying God will have an answer for me by then.  I guess I'm still waiting( the patience test..lol)

3/2/2012

Today I am feel good.  I washed my hair by myself.  I had to do it in the kitchen sink because of the drain tube still in me  but It is done and I feel so much better.  I would love to flat iron it but I know that will have to wait so it's just wrapped up.  I was able to put a shirt over my head yesterday.  It was a big tshirt so I didn't have to raise my arm much. I'm gonna start working on getting my stamina up.  This being tired all the time is for the birds. As soon as I can I'm going to take up yoga... I know it will be a few weeks before I can Zumba.  I know I have to take better care of myself  to help keep the cancer from coming back. 

We did get good news last night.  My hubby found a house for us.  He want me to go see it before he sign anything, so tomorrow will be the first time out the house and not seeing a Dr.  I am a little nervous cause of how I look.  If I wear a big shirt you won't see the difference.  as soon as I get the ok from my plastic surgeon, the American Cancer Society will help me even things out...lol  So with all that said, I will probably be moving at the end of March. 

Thanks to Facebook I have been able to still chat with my daughter while she is in Italy.  It's funny she had been over there for only 2 days and she already have over 200 pic posted on her page.  I love it because I feel like I am visiting Italy without leaving my living room.  I can't wait to go visit someday.  I'm looking forward to my life being normal again. Well as close to normal as my life can be...lol.  I'm looking at life a little different and the people in it...but that's another whole blog entry.  I feel a change coming.......

I will survive!

Today is starting out good.  I haven't had pain meds for over 12 hours.  So thinga are healing well.  I still have the drainage tube..yuck!!!  can't get rid of that until next Tues.  That sucks big time cause it seems that most of my discomfort is from this tube in me.  I'm so ready to get back to a somewhat normal life. Like a shower...no even better a bubble bath.  If's funny God and I have more talks now that I have so much free time.  That is what keeps me focused.

I was watching a video on Facebook this morning that had me crying.  It was a group of breast cancer survivors dancing and singing the Gloria Gaynor song "I will survive"  I was surprised by my reaction.  I started listening to the words and felt that most of it applied to me.  I started crying because it hit me that I did survived,  I made it, and I will be just fine...  Now this is really funny.  I have been searching Facebook and can not find that post.  I just saw it this morning.  Well, when I find it I will post it.  It;s nothing fancy but it just hit home for me that I am one of them now.

My daughter will be going to Italy for Spring Break afterall.  She wanted to spend it with me but they couldn't find anybody to take her place and she would loose $3000 she paid for the trip. I told her I will be ok.  The scary part(the surgey) is over and I'm doing well.  She plans on spending every other weekend with me when she gets back.  I didn't realize how much I miss having her around until she left. My children have made me very proud on how they are dealing with everything.  Their strength is truly amazing.

Well still waiting for the pathology report. This is all in God's hands. 

My cousin found the video  http://youtu.be/MHXsU45HTck

1 week later

It has been one week since my surgery.  How do I feel?  Good question.  I looked at myself in the mirror this morning.  I dunno, I didn't really feel any certain way.  I wasn't sad or mad,  just felt nothing.  Maybe because I know this is a process and before long I will look and feel normal again. I feel better than yesterday. Adjusting to my new body.  I'm so ready to workout, zumba or something. I know in time.

I had a dream the other day that I woke up and had both my breast and no cancer in my body.  This whole cancer thing was a dream.  It is still hard to believe sometimes.  I look at myself and wonder "did this really happen".  I don't feel like I'm living my life.  It gets really weird if you think about it too much.

I had a great talk with Nay(my daughter) this morning.  It feels good when you know that your child really appreciates everything you have done for them and they give you credit for who they have become.  My NayNay monster has grown up to be a fab young woman.  I miss having her around even tho we talk several times a day...lol    Hopefully I will hear something back about the pathology report today.  I'm ready to get moving on this.