Hello Stranger

Hi old friend,  It has been awhile. My last post was in Feb of this year and I was celebrating being 4 years cancer free.  I have had a couple of scares but nothing like this new one.  I have been having pains in the lower left side of my abdomen for months and just really didn't think much of it until the pain started waking me up and being more constant.  I went to the ER and they did a CAT scan.... well they found a spot on my liver, I have a trace of fluid between my chest wall and lungs, and a small hernia and kidney stones in my left kidney.  Well I knew about the kidney stones and I was told because the initial hernia was so big it could open back up(its been 3 years since that surgery).  So I wasn't surprised about those 2.  But the spot and fluid was a surprise.

 God promised me the day I was told I have breast cancer that "cancer wasn't going to kill me"  I believe and trust God.  If this spot is cancer God has another journey for me to travel.  I truly believe there is a reason for everything. I know God has my best interest at heart. 

So my doctor want to deal with the spot and fluid first before the hernia and kidney stones.  The pain meds seem to work just takes me some time to get going the next day.  My fibromyalgia seems to be trying to flare up but I'm fighting that also.  So adjusting how I spend my energy is a must.  I think the extra fatigue is also from the other stuff going on with my body.  Oh well Gotta Keep Moving... I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old puppy to keep up with.

Now I just wait until I can have my MRI next WED.  UGGGGGG  Then I won't have the results until Friday.  Part of me wants to cry and fall apart, another part is ready to put on my Wonder Woman outfit and say "Let's Go!!"  Wonder Woman will probably win out..lol

I have been doing pretty well for the last 2 years. The only thing I really have been dealing with is  polypoidal choroidal vasculopathy.  But the Dr has been watching it for the past 6 months and things haven't changed so that's good.  My overall health has been good. It is hard to explain how I feel. I don't want to think about the worst but I don't want to fool myself.  Thats what I did when I found out the lump in my breast was cancer.  I kept telling myself it wasn't cancer hoping and praying it would go away, So part of me is numb, I don't want to feel anything right now. What gets to me the most is it was 5 years ago about this time I found the lump in my breast. SMH.. My hubby has been a great support.  I can't imagine going thu this without him. So my life is on hold until next Friday.  

It has been awhile

Hello, I haven't written anything in the last several months.God instructed me this morning to start writing again.  Which kinda scares me because I feel something is about to happen. For those who don't know I am a 3 year breast cancer survivor, I have had 6 surgeries in 4 years. Gall Bladder removed, mastectomy (right breast), breast reconstruction, hysterectomy, hernia, meningoma removed (brain surgery).  Whewww...crazy isn't it!  My life has been a crazy rollercoaster but God has kept me all the way.  See the night I found out I had cancer God told me I wasn't going to die.  He said it was going to be tough but I was going to die.  So I was able to deal with thing better (somewhat) knowing I wasn't going to die. It was tough but I trust God and he kept his word.  Even with the brain tumor, He told me I will be ok "He got this" Now that was a tough one also. But God!!!! 

Guess What!!! now I am a licensed Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Legacy **YAYYYYYY**  I love that place. I am learning so much.  It is great to feel normal again. Even my fibromyalgia hasn't been as bad. I had slacked off my dr. appointments lately. It feels good not being poked at, looked at, tested on for a bit.  But yesterday I called all my doctors to start seeing them again for my regular checkups. See I got 4 doctors I see on the regular and I suppose to get a Mri every 6 months.  Hopefully they don't find any changes and then I can go to every year.

Well back to today,  God wants me to start writing again but I am not sure what about.  That's why it scares me a little.  Just a little.  God told me cancer was going to kill me but never said the cancer wont come back.  Just when I get all my doctor appointments set The next day, I am told to start blogging again. hmmmmm  What is God doing?  I did pray for God to use me.....SMH I guess I getting what I prayed for...lol.  I guess when I figure out what I suppose to be writing about you will hear from me.  I will keep you up to date on how my appointments go.  My breast dr told me to call back today for an appointment, My oncologist is in Aug.  The neurologist has to call me back with a date because of the MRI and my primary care doc is next week.  ...lol  these are the main players..lol

That's all I can think about writing today.  Oh Yeah...  Who do you know is looking to buy, sell or invest in real estate in the next 6 months? 

Wow What A Week!!!!

This week has been a true test of Faith and Thrive...lol Last Saturday I had did something to my shoulder in the shower to the point the pain was so bad I had to take some pain meds.  Now since I have been on Thrive I have had NO pain meds in my body. I ended going to the ER Sunday after church.  My loving and crazy husband takes a pic of me after the give me some Valium and post it on Facebook.  Well Heaven was flooded with so many prayers by Monday evening I was feeling better without meds.  Now I did still have some Thrive in my system but we ran out and our next order wasn't going to be here until Thursday.  Now on Thursday I went to an Orthopedic Specialist.  I asked him How do you get a pinch nerve just reaching to was your leg in the shower... Do you know he laugh at me and shook his head...lol   My shoulder was still sore by the time I went to see him.  He gave me a cortisone shot in my shoulder.  Well my nonhaving Thrive body did not like that.  My shoulder ached so much and I started to have a Fibromyalgia flare up.  I was feeling real bad that night.  I haven't felt that bad in a very long time.. I think since before my brain surgery.  Our order didn't get here until Thursday evening.  I think around 10pm ( I had fell asleep about 6 from pain meds)  I opened the box and put on a DFT Foam. By the next morning all the Fibromyalgia issues were gone!!!!!  Now my shoulder is still sore but I can function without feeling like I was hit by a truck. Now it is Sunday and I have had a couple of days full of Thrive and mannnnn I feel so much better.  I'm going to physical therapy for my shoulder.... I get a massage and heat packs  :)  :)  :).  But NO MORE PAIN MEDS.

Oh Guess who is a little lighter???   YES ME ME!!!.  At my last DR. appt I was 202lbs now I am 195lbs.  Only in a couple of weeks with me only walking some.. I can't wait to see my oncologist in Nov.  Well I got to get the family ready for church.  Everybody have a very Blessed Sunday!

www.candyb.le-vel.com
 TRY THRIVE

Post OP 5 months - 2 weeks NO pain meds!!!!

I want to cry.  It has been 2 weeks and I haven't taken any pain meds. not even a Tylenol.  I am 44 and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 25.  I have been in some kind of pain every day of my life since. No more migraines...even with the crazy weather we have had.  Normally when the weather would change I would feel it in my head(barometer head)  I haven't gotten it in 2 weeks. I'm not trying to sell you anything, I just want to let you know what works for me and how I'm doing.  Since the brain surgery I would get these sharp pains in my head like electric shocks.  They would stop me in my tracks. Haven't been shocked in 2 weeks.  Now don't get me wrong I am still tender at the surgery site... I don't think I will be getting my hair braided anytime soon....lol.  I do still get these weird sensations in my head.  I can't say it hurts,  just a weird tingling feeling.  I called my Neurosurgeon yesterday for my 6 month checkup.  HAHA he was surprised how well I was doing after 2 weeks wait until he sees me now! Goodness I have so much more energy but some days I still need to nap but only for 30min at the most not 1-2 hours like before.  I just feel like a more productive human being.  I can't thank God enough for showing me THRIVE.  So many meds I have been able to stop.  I was taking a mild antidepressant because of the breast cancer meds... mainly for hot flashes(which I use to get several an hour) and for mood swings because of the surgical menopause I'm in. The hot flashes have calmed down tremendously and my mood.  I am normally a positive person but I am even more now... if that is possible...lol

God has been so so so good to me.  He promised me that cancer wasn't going to kill me and He would handle the brain tumor and now He has controlled my fibromyalgia. I trusted God and asked for help when I needed and put it in God's hands when it was too much for me to handle. I give Him ALL the glory.  He knows how skeptical I am.  He had 2 people come to me at 2 totally different places to tell me about THRIVE.  Because I heard about it but didn't believe and just thought it was something like Herbalife which I tried and it didn't do much for my health or pocket. But with someone telling me about it at church(he is also a good friend of my husband) and a total stranger at a yardsale in the same weekend I had to give it a try.  God knows me ..lol  He knows I'm hard-headed and need convincing.  So when my husband tried his sample and I saw how great he felt and when he didn't need his antacids before bed like many many nights before and didn't have the desire to snack  (this man was the snack monster...lol) I knew I wanted to try.

2 weeks later all I can do is cry tears of joy.  I haven't felt this good since my early 20's.  I use to wonder if I would ever feel normal. Now I am.  I go to my Oncologist next week for bloodwork because they thought the cancer was trying to come back because certain levels were elevated, the PET scan didn't find anything so i go for bloodwork again.  I can't wait for her to see me and see how well I'm doing. I believe my levels were elevated because of the pain meds I was taking back then.  Since I don't take them I know my levels will be back to normal.

Now don't get me wrong.. I do eat healthier and I exercise (some).  But THRIVE just makes it easier.  If possible just try it.  What harm will it do?  not work?  Then you lost nothing but if it does??????????  WOW You will gain a new outlook on life.  All I can say I am Thankful for how I feel after years almost 25 years of pain.  Got me crying as I type this.  Thank You God.... Thank You, Thank You.


www.candyb.le-vel.com 
I would like a sample inbox me on facebook or leave a message here.  :)

NEW LIFE..... Are You Thriving!!!

The last 2 days of my life I feel so ALIVE. A great friend gave me some samples of a nutritional supplement. OMG I haven't felt this great since I was in my twenties!!!!  I was given LeVel THRIVE.  I have tried many products over the years trying to come off of meds for  fibromyalgia.  If you know my story I am a 2 1/2 year breast cancer survivor and have had several surgeries over the last 2 1/2 years and recently recovering from brain surgery where a benign meningoma was removed.  I have been married for only 2 1/2 years.  So it has truly "for sickness and health"..lol  I have gain quite a bit of weight over the last couple years and fatigue  & I have become very close against my wishes.  I have been dealing with fibromyalgia since I was 25.  I am 44 now.  The last 2 days I have had energy like never before and NO... I mean NO crashing.  My mind has been so clear and I can think and concentrate better.  I have gotten so much done in the last couple of days.  I can keep up with my 3 year old son.  Now this makes me cry because he would really wear me out by the afternoon.  Now it's my turn. OHH..OHHHHH   The aches and pains....what is that????..lol  I haven't had  to take any pain meds.  I can exercise now and loose this weight.  Thrive has also cut down my cravings I really don't want tings that are real sweet. Oh YES menopause... My hot flashes.... I can actually count how many I have a day and they are no where as intense as they were before THRIVE...THANK YOU GOD!

I am so excited about this new start to my life.  My body feels AWESOME  Thank You Chris Belin for introducing my husband and I to this product. Thrive has really changed my life.  I feel normal again.  I don't feel like I have to struggle or work as hard as everyone else just to live.  I can give my husband the wife he originally married and my kids the mom they deserve.  If you suffer  Please just check this stuff out.  It could change your life like it has mine.  This video is proof just Day 1 of THRIVE

Post by Matthew E. Bradby II.

Birthday Weekend WHEW!!!!

This is my husband and youngest son's birthday weekend.  Matt's birthday was Friday and Dylan turns 3 on Monday.  I was being superwoman the past couple days.  I am really feeling it today.  I had a great time hanging out with hubby for his birthday on Friday...did some shopping, went for his free birthday breakfast and just had a very restful day.  Saturday we had a Birthday Bash Cookout.  It was a lot of fun.  I did a little too much.  I had to soak in some Epsom salt last night.  I think this is more my fibro and my head acting up.  My head didn't hurt just felt weird.  It is kinda hard to explain. My memory was pretty bad by the evening and everything hurts especially my feet and hips.  Walking is no fun.  And being tired... I don't think there is a word for how tired I felt yesterday.  But it was all worth it to see my guys smile and having fun.  We had a great turn out and the  kids got to hang in the pool. The crabs were real good but hubby's strawberry shortcake birthday cake was the BEST.  lol  I totally blew my weight loss plan this weekend.  I will start up again Tuesday because Monday we got to celebrate my little Dilly's (Dylan) 3rd birthday.  Even tho he really don't know what is going on we still got to do something for him.  Our plan is to take him to the zoo for the day.  He loves animals.  If it rains we will go to the aquarium.  Maybe even to Port Discovery.  I love seeing him so happy.  So I'm gonna rest up today, finish off those crabs.  Pain meds and I are going to be good friends today. So tomorrow the Birthday Bash Celebrating continues!!

I CHOOSE HAPPY

2 weeks from today I will be having brain surgery.  It is still weird to say and hard to believe.  I find moments where I want to cry like a little baby but for some reason I can't.  I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I think it is more out of frustration. But I still haven't cried. There was a period before the last surgery date where I start to feel myself falling into a depressed state. I feel like I'm fighting my body.  My fibromyalgia is acting up bad right now.   I didn't want to be there so I prayed and asked God for help.  That is when I found my happy song.  I was flipping thru channels on TV and Pharrell William's video for Happy was on and it made me smile and the extra plus is it's from one of my favorite movies Despicable Me 2.  Well I loved both movies.  When I hear the song I automatically smile and I'm HAPPY.  I also have Minion ringtones.  I love it when my phone goes off while I'm in public.  It always puts a smile on somebody's face and makes them laugh.  You never know that might be the only laugh they will have that day.  I love making people happy.  Well back to my Happy Song,  My husband and daughter have been told I want to hear this song right before surgery and when the see me in recovery.  I choose to be happy.  Everybody should have a happy song.

Surgery

I got the news on 9/11 that I have to have a complete hysterectomy next Wed.  I also found out that because of the size of my uterus ( size of someone 5 to 6 months preggo) and how fast it grew it has cause other issues inside of me(part of it from the tamoxifen) that's why I need surgery so soon.  He is moving other people out the way to fit me in. 

Dr. Miller is great.  He was very very thorough with telling me all my options and the pros and cons of everything and the effect it will have on my body. He explained everything that is going on inside..... and there is alot happening in there, much more than I knew. 

I was very disappointed with the news of the hysterectomy.  I understand why I need it and I welcome feeling better. Plus it will improve the chances of the cancer not coming back even more. It's just not what I wanted.  It eliminates any chance of having a child with my husband.  It still hurts when I sit and think about it. That was something I wanted to really share with him.  I am thankful for the 3 children I do have.  I think it is awesome that my lil Dylan looks like me even tho I didn't give birth to him. :) .

For many many years I wouldn't follow God's plan for me.  Thinking I knew what was best or what I can do better.  In Aug of 1997 God forced me on his plan.  It wasn't easy and it wasn't painless but I am so glad He did it.  See I get these ideas in my head and God has a way of letting me know that is not what He has planned for me.  Like right after I got the news it took me an hour to get home(normally 30 min trip)  I had time to process what I was told.  I was still in shock but God had time for me to hear Him and I understood why a little better.  I don't like it but I understand. Ohhhh yea.. Now the day I find out this news, that night my phone dies.  The one time I put my phone in Dylan's diaper bag, his sippy cup leaks on my phone.  I didn't get a new phone until noon the next day.  It was weird sitting in the house not talking to somebody about what was happening.  Then I realized that God wanted me to think and plan this out and I wouldn't have been able to if I was on the phone so much.

I'm not upset anymore. I am content with what has to be done.  See during my quiet time yesterday I thought about the positive ..... I won't have a period anymore!!! YAYYYYYYY.  He said that I won't feel much different than I do now on tamoxifen. I can handle that. NO MORE PMS!!!!!!!!  and I suffered and my family did also...lol    I will save money on feminine products..Thank the Lord.... I will loose weight getting rid of my preggo stomach.  I will feel better in general.  I haven't felt really well in years. So I am looking forward to being able to be "normal" again. Goodness the fibromyalgia has been a cake walk compared to this mess I have been dealing with lately....lol

In general I will be a much healthier person after this surgery.  Yes I am very tired of being cut on and I will have a new scar but they will be my battle scars, my survivor scars.  They are proof of the things I have overcame.  Some of them have made me sad and some have made me happy ( the boob job...lol)  But all of them have made me better and stronger.

Post surgery

Wow that was an experience,  It was funny cause I didn't remember much that happened before my mastectomy last time.  That gosh darn lorazipan works wonders.  But this time I didn't take anything ... I was ready for this. I had the operating team laughing because I pretty much jump up on the table before they were ready for me..lol  Then afterwards ugggggggggg.. The pain was bad. it was getting close to labor pains.  I started to cry it was so bad.  I have a high pain threshold from dealing with the fibromyalgia.  That didn't make any difference I was hurting.. They kept giving me pain meds then they gave me liquid Tylenol.  That stuff works.  I'm on percocet now.  I seem to be in constant pain but not as bad as earlier.. It's like a burning sensation on the left side of my chest. I keep being told the results are worth it..  HMMMMMM they better be nice...lol  this mess hurts.

The good thing is I am able to move around better today.. got all that pain meds and anesthesia  from the hospital out of my system. My head doesn't feel fuzzy anymore. Now don't get me wrong I am so ever thankful for being able to have this surgery.  There are so many women that can't have reconstruction surgery for one reason or another. I have read the stories of my cancer friends and they seem to be going thru so much more than me.  I pray for them everyday.  These are some tough women. They make my journey look like a walk in the park. They still support and encourage me when needed. 

I am looking forward to healing so I can hold my baby Dylan again.  I kept kissing on him yesterday morning. He was looking at me like he knew why. I can't wait until I am able to tale him to the pool.  My big boy Jay has been such a blessing I really can't imagine life with out him. Nay couldn't come down because it was her first day on the job.  Last but definitely not least my hubby... he even went without food because I couldn't eat.  I love him so so much..

So now I focus on healing and moving.  Still got stuff to pack. I'm going to more of a director than anything else.  What a busy week we have.

Improving

Ok with help from my husband I have been taking my meds like I am suppose to and my body seems to be adjusting.  I have not felt as bad as I did when I first started.  I see my Oncologist a couple days after my surgery. The fatigue is still bad but I did some research and I probably need to take some vitamin D. My levels were borderline before the cancer because of the fibromyalgia. So I will picking up some today.  If not I will sleep my life away...lol So I am feeling better.  I'm not scratching like a crackhead as much, the headaches are gone.  Now hot flashes.... still get those.  It makes it hard to have a cute haircut when you keep sweating it out every night.  I just might get my hair braided for awhile.

 It is kinda hard to believe that reconstruction is next week. Jan 4 2012 the day I found out I had cancer seems so far away.  It's funny how some dates are burned in your brain. Like the Big C day (Jan 4th 2012) and the Mastectomy day( Feb 15, 2012) and now New Boob Day( Jun 18, 2012).  New Boob day is a happy day to remember. I do need to have some other things done not cancer related but if I can do it with out surgery I will.  I have been looking into my options.

I'm doing well.  Me and tamoxifen are still not friends but we are getting along better.  God told me this journey won't kill me but it will be tough.  I'm a lot stronger than I thought.

What a difference a year makes!

Next Wednesday  I will be 42. So in 1 year I have lost a gall bladder and a breast. But I have gained a wonderful, loving husband(Matthew Bradby) and soon a baby boy(Dylan), I have a new home and a fabulous church family.  I have been blessed with so many new friends thru Facebook. I have also gain a closeness with God that I wouldn't have made it thru the rough times without.And my faith in God is stronger!  Am I the same person?  Hmmm I'm still caring, loving and all those nice things people say..lol  What is different..... I'm happier, stronger mentally, I allow myself to cry. I have proven to myself that I am a lot tougher than I thought.  I'm still hard headed...lol (God is working with me on that one)

Because of this breast cancer, my life will never be the same.  I have to look at everything different now.  I was looking at summer dresses and tank tops yesterday and I had consider how much of my scar will show.  I never had to even think about that before.  Even in the grocery store I had to watch what food I buy..Organic food is expensive but the other stuff is unhealthy for me. The funny thing was I use to think Fibromyalgia was tough.  Yeah I did have to change how I did some things .....but it just seemed easier.

What a difference a year makes!!  Some might look at last year of my life as being bad, I look at it as being great!!! There were lessons learned.  Every wall that was put in front of me I have knocked down and moved closer to my destiny. These are lessons I will need to master in order to move to my next level.  I must be learning fast with so many of then hitting me in 1 year...lol  The biggest lesson I have learned (this is the one God has been trying to get me to learn most of my life) is to have more faith in myself, trust your gut,trust your strength and always remember God will never leave your side.

Moved

Ok We have moved into our new home.  Thanks to Janet Garland for coming over at the last minute and staying with me late last night.  Thanks to the guys  for helping, I will be cooking a Big thank you dinner for everybody.  Matt wouldn't let me do too much but pack some things. That alone was enough.  I am sore all over.  I mean every muscle in my body is aching. It is mostly my fibromyalgia flaring up.  I didn't get any sleep yesterday so my body is over tired.  I kinda new I would be flaring up today but I'm still thankful to be in my new home.  I do have to get use to steps again......UGGGGG..That is the only thing I miss about the apartment..lol.

Now my breast cancer ... I am doing very well.  I had a couple of muscle spams but doing better and better everyday.  I get my first fill in my tissue expander on Thursday.  I'm a little nervous but ready to move forward. Meet with the oncologist next week.  I got my list of questions and concerns ready. I know I need to make a lot of changes in my life to stay as cancer free as possible. Sucks my cancer cells want to have a party in my body. 

Now we got more room, next step is to get my new baby boy Dylan.  right now its all up to me.  I need to get well enough to be able to pick him up.  He is 9 months old and a lil chunky thing..lol  He is such a cutie pie. I hope to have him home with us by Easter.

So today I will be resting and looking at all these boxes.  My body has told me enough and shutting things down for the day.  That's one thing about fibromyalgia, it will not let me get away with pushing my body.. I will suffer for it later.  Hopefully this flare up only last 1 day.  So its a day of TV and sleep for me.

3 weeks today

It has been 3 weeks since my surgery.  Things have been very interesting the past couple of days.  I went to church Sunday.  I had quite a bit of anxiety about going.  Me being loopsided started to get to me for the first time. And with me being the "First Lady" I knew people would be looking at me.  The only person who saw my tears was my husband.  He did his best to talk me down and convinced me not to wear this huge sweater I wanted to wear(I probably would have lost 10lb in sweat if I wore it lol).  When we got to the church I went straight to my office.  I had to sit in there a bit before joining everyone else for service.  Everybody was so nice and loving. They did everything they could to make sure I was comfortable as possible. I'm glad I went.  I love Faith Church Baltimore.  I did discover that you use some of your chest muscles when you clap.. so clapping during praise and worship was a little tough.  After service, my hubby fed me some fried fish (another one of my cravings) and I slept the rest of the day.

I guess this is where the fibromyalgia really kicks in.  I slept most of Monday. Good news is I was able to get my drainage tube removed on Tuesday.  The Dr. said I am healing well and they will start filling my expander in 2 weeks.  I had another anxiety moment right before my appointment.  I just started getting frustrated with not being able to be independent like I was before cancer.  I know in time I will be, it still gets to me.  I finally got use to dealing with the fibromyalgia and now cancer.  I still don't know what my treatment will be for sure. I guess God is having me repeat the lesson on patience.  Waiting for my body to heal, waiting for the test results, waiting for my new breast.... yeah. I'm repeating this lesson. So now I'm sore from where the tube was removed and I have to have my right "breast" compressed at all times so fluid doesn't build up before they start to fill the expander(this is uncomfortable).  I still have to take it easy.  Honestly... I'm tired of taking it easy...lol  I have been resting and sleeping for 3 weeks now.  Guess I have to be patient.

3/2/2012

Today I am feel good.  I washed my hair by myself.  I had to do it in the kitchen sink because of the drain tube still in me  but It is done and I feel so much better.  I would love to flat iron it but I know that will have to wait so it's just wrapped up.  I was able to put a shirt over my head yesterday.  It was a big tshirt so I didn't have to raise my arm much. I'm gonna start working on getting my stamina up.  This being tired all the time is for the birds. As soon as I can I'm going to take up yoga... I know it will be a few weeks before I can Zumba.  I know I have to take better care of myself  to help keep the cancer from coming back. 

We did get good news last night.  My hubby found a house for us.  He want me to go see it before he sign anything, so tomorrow will be the first time out the house and not seeing a Dr.  I am a little nervous cause of how I look.  If I wear a big shirt you won't see the difference.  as soon as I get the ok from my plastic surgeon, the American Cancer Society will help me even things out...lol  So with all that said, I will probably be moving at the end of March. 

Thanks to Facebook I have been able to still chat with my daughter while she is in Italy.  It's funny she had been over there for only 2 days and she already have over 200 pic posted on her page.  I love it because I feel like I am visiting Italy without leaving my living room.  I can't wait to go visit someday.  I'm looking forward to my life being normal again. Well as close to normal as my life can be...lol.  I'm looking at life a little different and the people in it...but that's another whole blog entry.  I feel a change coming.......

This Weekend

Ok this is the weekend before my surgery.  My nerves are getting bad..It's getting harder to hide them.  Matt and Jay and I watched Bad Teacher last night...very funny movie..I need funny movies right now.  We bought a couple of things that I will need after surgery.. That started to get to me until my brother "ROB" called me (I repeat I don't call him that)..lol  His calls seem to come at the perfect time to make me laugh.  Jay is being wonderful too.  He is getting real good with rubbing my feet to help me relax.  Nay is going to spend the night with me at the hospital.  I have been really blessed me with these 2 great kids. I have been trying to keep my mind busy.  The fibromyalgia has me very tired these days.  My Dr. told me its normal considering the stress I'm under.  Oh I have been cleared for surgery.  My blood pressure finally lower. I still have to watch my diet.  I think I need to start those anti anxiety meds again.  As much as I don't like them, they probably help my blood pressure.

  I'm glad we have the women's session tonight Detox 2012, Agape Christian Center 4601 York Road, Baltimore, MD 21212 @ 7pm.   ok there's my plug...lol  It's easier when I can focus on helping others and not thinking about myself.  I'm gonna go get my toes done so I will at least have pretty feet.  I was going to get my hair done but changed my mind because I will sleep on pain meds for quite a bit so I'm gonna wait until after surgery. I plan on crocheting while I recover so be on the look out for some of my new creations. :)  Now I just need to get laundry done and clean my bedroom and buy some PJs then, I think I will have everything ready.. I guess as ready as I'm gonna be

02/07/2012

 8 days until my surgery.  I still have  a lot to do to make sure everything is ready.  I just want to make sure my guys (Matt & Jay) are taken care of properly until I'm back on my feet.  At least Matt and I get to spend Valentines Day together before the surgery. I had spent some time with my dad yesterday..Funny  at 41 I still need that comfort of daddy time.  This whole thing still seem so unreal.  I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see a sick person.. My brain just can't seem to understand it.  The anxiety about the surgery is slowly starting to hit me. I go for my pre op physical today.  I haven't seen this Dr. since my diagnosis.  I have been seeing her for a couple of years..She will probably be shocked.  The fibromyalgia is starting to kick in.  This should be real interesting how my body reacts after surgery.  Well I'm only thinking good thoughts.  For some reason I just can't get mad.  I'm scared and nervous and feel it's unfair and I don't want this,  This is not fair to my new husband.  We are suppose to be growing our family, not fighting cancer! God has His reason. I must accept it even if I don't understand.  Really, what other choice do I have?