Exercise

3 1/2 months since brain surgery, 1 year since hernia surgery, 1 1/2 years since hysterectomy, 2 years  since breast reconstruction and 2 1/2 years since mastectomy and 3 years since gallbladder was removed......... I have gained over  60lbs and 40 of it in the last 6 to 9 months.  You might say I look fine but my body doesn't feel fine. At 202lbs,  my joints hurt a lot, energy level is low, I have to work harder to keep my blood pressure down.  So my oncologist said she wants me to loose 20lbs in the next 6 months.  I want to loose 40.  Honestly I will be happy with anything.  So since the brain surgery I have been walking more and riding the bike at the YMCA.  Well today I took my first water aerobics class since the surgery.  I feel great.. tired but great.  Now I did have to stop at times during the  class because I felt a lot of pressure in my head but I did get thru the whole class.  I was dizzy when getting out the pool so I was moving a little slower after the class.  But I DID IT!!  I do need a nap about now...lol   I want to add weights but they will be very light weight to start..  I notice I still get a lot of pressure in my head when dealing with heavy weight.  Hubby is working out with me.  Plus I bought a Nutri Bullet and have been drinking my healthy drinks  I have been feeding the drinks to the whole family.  It took a couple of tries but to get a good drink.  The first drink I made was nasty!!!  I figured I would just stay fat..lol  but with my daddy's help I made some yummy drinks.  So working on getting healthier.  I will keep you up to date on my progress



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HAPPY

It has been awhile since I last posted.  I got clearance from my plastic surgeon to shop for regular bras...YAYYYYY.   I will get my nipple reconstruction in Nov.  The side effects from the tamoxifen has calmed down a bit.  Except my fibroids getting so large I look pregnant.  I see the GYN this week to discuss what to do to fix it.  Other than that I am happy.  I look normal and I feel almost normal.

I ran into 2 people who haven't seen me since last year.  One of the ladies didn't even know I had cancer.  she said looking at me she would never have known.  That made me feel sooooo good .  I smiled so hard. I realized I have been blessed to not have to struggle as bad as some women have.  I am actually having a pretty easy time of this.  I thank you Lord.... Oh how I thank you. The the next day I saw my old boss from Jackson Hewitt.  The last time she saw me was 2 weeks before my mastectomy.  She is the one who sent me the yummy fruit basket.  Well she said I looked awesome.. Again I was smiling hard and feeling very blessed.

I don't think most people understand that when something has changed on your body that wasn't really by choice, how abnormal you feel. Yea I stuffed my bra until the reconstruction and after the one breast was so swollen I wore very very loose tops so you couldn't see the unevenness.  Inside I didn't feel normal.  I wondered if I will ever feel that way again. I didn't want people to look at me with that look of pity in there eyes.  I just wanted them to see Candy,  the wife , the mom, the friend.  I'm getting my wish now, and it feels very good.  Yea my stomach looks like I'm several months pregnant, I feel good and from what people tell me I look good..lol lol. 

I am a 6 month breast cancer survivor!!!!!!!  Every day and every month and every year is important.  I want people to look at me and say "this is what surviving breast cancer looks like"  I am happy, somewhat happy with my body but this is a work in progress.  I know once the anniversary of my cancer comes around, I WILL be happy with my body again. 

Post surgery

Wow that was an experience,  It was funny cause I didn't remember much that happened before my mastectomy last time.  That gosh darn lorazipan works wonders.  But this time I didn't take anything ... I was ready for this. I had the operating team laughing because I pretty much jump up on the table before they were ready for me..lol  Then afterwards ugggggggggg.. The pain was bad. it was getting close to labor pains.  I started to cry it was so bad.  I have a high pain threshold from dealing with the fibromyalgia.  That didn't make any difference I was hurting.. They kept giving me pain meds then they gave me liquid Tylenol.  That stuff works.  I'm on percocet now.  I seem to be in constant pain but not as bad as earlier.. It's like a burning sensation on the left side of my chest. I keep being told the results are worth it..  HMMMMMM they better be nice...lol  this mess hurts.

The good thing is I am able to move around better today.. got all that pain meds and anesthesia  from the hospital out of my system. My head doesn't feel fuzzy anymore. Now don't get me wrong I am so ever thankful for being able to have this surgery.  There are so many women that can't have reconstruction surgery for one reason or another. I have read the stories of my cancer friends and they seem to be going thru so much more than me.  I pray for them everyday.  These are some tough women. They make my journey look like a walk in the park. They still support and encourage me when needed. 

I am looking forward to healing so I can hold my baby Dylan again.  I kept kissing on him yesterday morning. He was looking at me like he knew why. I can't wait until I am able to tale him to the pool.  My big boy Jay has been such a blessing I really can't imagine life with out him. Nay couldn't come down because it was her first day on the job.  Last but definitely not least my hubby... he even went without food because I couldn't eat.  I love him so so much..

So now I focus on healing and moving.  Still got stuff to pack. I'm going to more of a director than anything else.  What a busy week we have.

The Oncotype test results (chemo or no chemo)

 I went to see my surgeon yesterday to get the results of my Oncotype DX test.(to see if I need chemo) plus get a better understanding of my pathology report. Well the pathology report was good. my margins were clear and nodes negative. I originally had 2 tumors they found a 3rd. and the Dcis was 4.1 cm and no metastases, so the mastectomy was the best thing for me. so I had Stage 1A cancer. He said this was the best type to have.   Now normally that would be treated with just tamoxifen for 5 years BUT..... My Oncotype DX test was a 23 which put me in the middle of the middle of the chart for benefiting from chemo. The test tells me I have a 15% chance of the cancer coming back in 10 years or 85% of it never coming back. My surgeon is consulting with a team of 3 Oncologist today and will tell me what was said later this evening and then I will consult with them. This really suck because it falls in my hands on what to do. I didn't know where else to turn. Of course my husband doesn't want me to go thru chemo neither do I but it's one thing to not want it but need it (like the surgery)and another to not want it and maybe you will or maybe you wont benefit from it. How do you make such a decision for your life. This is so unfair Cancer sucks. I'm not looking for someone to make this decision for me. 

 God told me this morning that my fight is just beginning.  I know that I have way too much to live for.  I feel like I should flip a coin because this whole this is really up to chance. God tells me things change.  It has just really hit me that this is a fight I will be fighting for the rest of my life. My husband and children need me.  My daughter and I are planning a trip to Paris next year to celebrate me beating this mess.  I'm Mad now. I know some women are having a harder time then I am and I know my cancer is easier to deal with but this whole cancer this is just wrong. I still don't know what me decision will be i still need to meet with the Oncologist after my surgeon does.  I'm praying God will have an answer for me by then.  I guess I'm still waiting( the patience test..lol)

3 weeks today

It has been 3 weeks since my surgery.  Things have been very interesting the past couple of days.  I went to church Sunday.  I had quite a bit of anxiety about going.  Me being loopsided started to get to me for the first time. And with me being the "First Lady" I knew people would be looking at me.  The only person who saw my tears was my husband.  He did his best to talk me down and convinced me not to wear this huge sweater I wanted to wear(I probably would have lost 10lb in sweat if I wore it lol).  When we got to the church I went straight to my office.  I had to sit in there a bit before joining everyone else for service.  Everybody was so nice and loving. They did everything they could to make sure I was comfortable as possible. I'm glad I went.  I love Faith Church Baltimore.  I did discover that you use some of your chest muscles when you clap.. so clapping during praise and worship was a little tough.  After service, my hubby fed me some fried fish (another one of my cravings) and I slept the rest of the day.

I guess this is where the fibromyalgia really kicks in.  I slept most of Monday. Good news is I was able to get my drainage tube removed on Tuesday.  The Dr. said I am healing well and they will start filling my expander in 2 weeks.  I had another anxiety moment right before my appointment.  I just started getting frustrated with not being able to be independent like I was before cancer.  I know in time I will be, it still gets to me.  I finally got use to dealing with the fibromyalgia and now cancer.  I still don't know what my treatment will be for sure. I guess God is having me repeat the lesson on patience.  Waiting for my body to heal, waiting for the test results, waiting for my new breast.... yeah. I'm repeating this lesson. So now I'm sore from where the tube was removed and I have to have my right "breast" compressed at all times so fluid doesn't build up before they start to fill the expander(this is uncomfortable).  I still have to take it easy.  Honestly... I'm tired of taking it easy...lol  I have been resting and sleeping for 3 weeks now.  Guess I have to be patient.

I will survive!

Today is starting out good.  I haven't had pain meds for over 12 hours.  So thinga are healing well.  I still have the drainage tube..yuck!!!  can't get rid of that until next Tues.  That sucks big time cause it seems that most of my discomfort is from this tube in me.  I'm so ready to get back to a somewhat normal life. Like a shower...no even better a bubble bath.  If's funny God and I have more talks now that I have so much free time.  That is what keeps me focused.

I was watching a video on Facebook this morning that had me crying.  It was a group of breast cancer survivors dancing and singing the Gloria Gaynor song "I will survive"  I was surprised by my reaction.  I started listening to the words and felt that most of it applied to me.  I started crying because it hit me that I did survived,  I made it, and I will be just fine...  Now this is really funny.  I have been searching Facebook and can not find that post.  I just saw it this morning.  Well, when I find it I will post it.  It;s nothing fancy but it just hit home for me that I am one of them now.

My daughter will be going to Italy for Spring Break afterall.  She wanted to spend it with me but they couldn't find anybody to take her place and she would loose $3000 she paid for the trip. I told her I will be ok.  The scary part(the surgey) is over and I'm doing well.  She plans on spending every other weekend with me when she gets back.  I didn't realize how much I miss having her around until she left. My children have made me very proud on how they are dealing with everything.  Their strength is truly amazing.

Well still waiting for the pathology report. This is all in God's hands. 

My cousin found the video  http://youtu.be/MHXsU45HTck

Recovering

Well everything is going well.  I'm a little sad that my daughter Nay had to leave but having her here to take care of me was great.  She did yell at me to stay still.. I think she enjoyed fussing me ...lol.  I moved around too much yesterday and tried to get up this morning and felt the most horrible pain.. So I will be moving a lot less today.  It's just weird for me to have others waiting on me.  My husband is being so wonderful.  He was up all night just to make sure I don't miss my pain meds.  I just love him so much.  He fussed at me to for moving around too much...lol  I took a look at myself yesterday.  It didn't upset me like I thought.  Now I am loop-sided but in a couple of months I will be just about even again.  Mentally I'm doing so much better.  God did tell me I will be alright. Now I'm just waiting for the pathology report.  I'm not worried about that either.  This part has been easier than I thought it would be.  so people had me so worried how I would feel after the surgery.  I was told I would be in soooo much pain and not going to be able to move much.  Well God has his hand on me and I feel great.(as long as I stay on top of the pain meds..lol)  I'm able to crochet and do my own hair ..I know the only thing that will drive me crazy is being stuck in the house.  But I'm resting and healing and I have cute pajamas.  I am a proud Breast Cancer Survivor! I can honestly say God has been by my side the whole way  :)

Day after surgery

Ok it's the day after surgery.  I am feeling better than I thought I would.  My daughter stayed overnight with me.  She is taking very good care of me.  They took the IV off early this morning, so I have more freedom. You know what's funny, the nurse kept wanting me to pass gas... it's funny to tell some stranger that "yeah i passed gas today"...lol   Good thing i didn't get my hair done.. I would have sweated out the style and be mad for wasting the money.  So that's on my todo list when I up to it.  Nay and I took a walk around for a little bit. I got to put on my cute Minnie Mouse pajama pants.  I'm loving my pain pills...lol  God kept his promise and I am doing well.  My surgeon came by and told me my lymph were negative..YAYYYYYYYYYY.  THANK YOU for all the prayers and good vibes sent my way. They worked,  I still feel weak but will be getting stronger and stronger everyday.  Now I'm just hoping I can go home today *crossing fingers*

This Weekend

Ok this is the weekend before my surgery.  My nerves are getting bad..It's getting harder to hide them.  Matt and Jay and I watched Bad Teacher last night...very funny movie..I need funny movies right now.  We bought a couple of things that I will need after surgery.. That started to get to me until my brother "ROB" called me (I repeat I don't call him that)..lol  His calls seem to come at the perfect time to make me laugh.  Jay is being wonderful too.  He is getting real good with rubbing my feet to help me relax.  Nay is going to spend the night with me at the hospital.  I have been really blessed me with these 2 great kids. I have been trying to keep my mind busy.  The fibromyalgia has me very tired these days.  My Dr. told me its normal considering the stress I'm under.  Oh I have been cleared for surgery.  My blood pressure finally lower. I still have to watch my diet.  I think I need to start those anti anxiety meds again.  As much as I don't like them, they probably help my blood pressure.

  I'm glad we have the women's session tonight Detox 2012, Agape Christian Center 4601 York Road, Baltimore, MD 21212 @ 7pm.   ok there's my plug...lol  It's easier when I can focus on helping others and not thinking about myself.  I'm gonna go get my toes done so I will at least have pretty feet.  I was going to get my hair done but changed my mind because I will sleep on pain meds for quite a bit so I'm gonna wait until after surgery. I plan on crocheting while I recover so be on the look out for some of my new creations. :)  Now I just need to get laundry done and clean my bedroom and buy some PJs then, I think I will have everything ready.. I guess as ready as I'm gonna be

Hold Still

The last couple of days have been tough.  I have been on the verge of tears most of the time.  I had a very hard time with not having a plastic surgeon to do the reconstruction surgery right away.  My brain just couldn't accept waking up to having nothing there.  I understand it is just a breast and the cancer had to go but the thought of nothing being there was sending me to a very dark place.  I have been taking the anti anxiety meds the Dr. gave me.  I felt myself needing them more and more.

Well the good news is that my lymph nodes are just inflamed from infection from the last biopsy.  So I'm happy about that. Now back to the reconstruction, my new cousin by marriage Lashawn, has gone thru this 2 years ago.  She has been such a wonderful support. She has called me almost every day to make sure I'm ok.  I told her where I was mentally.  She told me to FIGHT and FIGHT some more.  Cause I was just ready to let the surgery happen and deal with what came.  But Lashawn gave me her plastic surgeon's name.  I looked it up and email him.   He is the head plastic surgeon at another hospital. If I was having it at his hospital he would do it but he has obligations to where he is at now.  I understood.  He explained everything that will happen and encouraged me to stay with my current Dr. cause he is the best in what he does.  He left his personal number and offered to make some calls for me.  It was nice to know that I had a surgeon after the mastectomy but that didn't help me right now. I remember yelling out to God to help me cause this was getting real hard real fast.  All I heard was " I got you".  2 days later I was sitting in my car after I dropped Jayson at school and looked down at my breast and try to imagine it not being there.  I knew if I went thru with things as planned I will need some serious counseling afterwards. God told me to tell my Dr.  So I sent my Dr. an email describing how I was feeling. Less than an hour later he replied back saying he was going to make some calls. That lifted my spirits.  So an hour later his office coordinator calls and tells me that I have a plastic surgeon to put the expander in which I have to have in for 3 months and I can have any other surgeon to finish up the job.  I fell to my knees thanking God. I haven't felt the need to take the meds or even felt like crying.  I'm actually my happy positive self again and looking forward to getting this over with and start healing and moving on with my life. God keeps telling me to hold still and don't move until I say so.  Its hard when you are use to being the fixer in people's lives. Candy is doing as she is told...lol  .  There is no way you can convince me there is no God.  Look how he is working in my life.  I just have to HOLD STILL and LISTEN

More testing

Well I had  genetic testing and I don't carry the BRAC 1 or 2 gene for breast cancer... so that is good news.  I had an MRI done on Jan 18th.  That was no fun.  Met with the Dr. on Jan. 24th. I had to have another biopsy cause some calcification was found on the MRI. Also found out what they recommended for me. The treatment plan is that to have a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction of the right breast, no lymph nodes removed, plus no chemo or radiation. I got a call on Jan. 20th from my Dr.  they had found more cancer. So the mastectomy is the best for me. Now I wait for my Dr. to find a plastic surgeon that takes my insurance so we can plan my surgery.  I'm scared and excited at the same time because I will be even stronger in mind, body and spirit after all is said and done.

The Beginning

At the age of 41, I found the first lump 2 weeks before my wedding.  I was married on 11/11/2011.  I just thought is was a clogged milk duct like I use to get when I was breastfeeding cause it hurt when touched. I was in no rush to get a mammogram but I promised my new husband that I would get one.  I already had a gyn appointment scheduled for when after we got back from our honeymoon.  My Dr. thought the same thing it was just a cyst or something but I still needed to get a mammogram.

The week before Christmas I went for the mammogram. I had been praying and talking with God and He kept telling me I will be ok.  I was still a little nervous since this was my first mammo. it was a weird experience having my boob smooshed like that..lol  I also had to have an ultrasound done just to get a better look at the lump I found.  Well that trip didn't end up like I thought.  I knew something was up because the tech took an awful lot of pics for something simple.  I knew something was wrong.  She left and a Dr. came in and told me that they found another lump and they have to do a biopsy. At that time God told me it was cancer.  I didn't want to believe it. They wanted to schedule the biopsy the Friday before Christmas but I didn't want to deal with that news for the holiday. When I left the office all I wanted was to be in the presence of my husband.  So I drove right to his office.  His boss is wonderful and gave him the rest of the day off just to be with me.

My biopsy was scheduled for Jan 3rd 2012 . Of course my wonderful husband came with me. The procedure it self is not painful afterwards the Dr. told me to come back in 6 months.  I was surprised because of what God had told me but I was willing to accept that. I was told I would get an email with the results of the biopsy.  I never got that email.  Jan. 4th 2012 my life changed. Matt was at a late meeting at work when I got the phone call.  The Dr. said he was shocked but the tumors were cancer.  He explained to me that they behaved as though they were cyst. I understood because now it went along with God had said.  I have breast cancer.  He did say it was a very low grade and very treatable and curable. My first thought was "how am I going to tell my husband" "How am I going to tell my kids".  Well my first call was to my mommy...lol  She was the first person I thought to call, then my dad,then my daughter and then my brother Billy. Who was able to make me laugh which was what I needed. My 13 year old son overheard me telling my father, so I had to sit him down and explain that I'm not going to die and everything will be ok.  Telling my husband was hard but he has been my rock. So This is the beginning of my Journey to be a  survivor.