The Oncotype test results (chemo or no chemo)

 I went to see my surgeon yesterday to get the results of my Oncotype DX test.(to see if I need chemo) plus get a better understanding of my pathology report. Well the pathology report was good. my margins were clear and nodes negative. I originally had 2 tumors they found a 3rd. and the Dcis was 4.1 cm and no metastases, so the mastectomy was the best thing for me. so I had Stage 1A cancer. He said this was the best type to have.   Now normally that would be treated with just tamoxifen for 5 years BUT..... My Oncotype DX test was a 23 which put me in the middle of the middle of the chart for benefiting from chemo. The test tells me I have a 15% chance of the cancer coming back in 10 years or 85% of it never coming back. My surgeon is consulting with a team of 3 Oncologist today and will tell me what was said later this evening and then I will consult with them. This really suck because it falls in my hands on what to do. I didn't know where else to turn. Of course my husband doesn't want me to go thru chemo neither do I but it's one thing to not want it but need it (like the surgery)and another to not want it and maybe you will or maybe you wont benefit from it. How do you make such a decision for your life. This is so unfair Cancer sucks. I'm not looking for someone to make this decision for me. 

 God told me this morning that my fight is just beginning.  I know that I have way too much to live for.  I feel like I should flip a coin because this whole this is really up to chance. God tells me things change.  It has just really hit me that this is a fight I will be fighting for the rest of my life. My husband and children need me.  My daughter and I are planning a trip to Paris next year to celebrate me beating this mess.  I'm Mad now. I know some women are having a harder time then I am and I know my cancer is easier to deal with but this whole cancer this is just wrong. I still don't know what me decision will be i still need to meet with the Oncologist after my surgeon does.  I'm praying God will have an answer for me by then.  I guess I'm still waiting( the patience test..lol)

Feeling some kind of way

I'm feeling some kind of way today.  Today is the day I get the results of the OncotypeDX Test (tells me the chances of the cancer coming back).  I find out if I need chemo or not.  I know God told me "just surgery"  He also told me I will be ok.  Me and my family have been given so many blessings sine we found out about the cancer.  God has told me this road will be tough and hard but it will be worth it in the end.  I was also told that there are more blessings to come.

While looking over the paperwork and my pathology report I notice that my cancer had changed.  When it was first found they were a stage 0 and stage 1.  By the time of surgery they were a stage 1 and stage 2.  The tumors had grown larger. So I know several of my other numbers that they use as markers must have increased. That is why I am concerned.  I wonder if the original treatment plan has changed.  God has me on this road where I don't know where I going and all I know is I will be ok at the end.  This is not easy to surrender all to God (especially when I like to control everything...lol)  I know this is a test of my faith and each time I hold on He blesses me for my obedience. I'm not sure if being scared is what I'm feeling or worry.. I don't know what it is I just feel some kind of way.

I still don't like taking a shower.  I haven't gotten use to my new body.  The good thing is that when I went to church this past Sunday, you couldn't tell anything was gone cause I have so  much padding compressing me I look almost even.lol   I know I will have new boobs by summer..... There goes that test of patience again I guess..lol.. This blog has been great therapy. I have been reading other survivors stories too.  They seem to help a lot. So tonight I find out how I will be spending my spring and summer.  All I keep hearing is God saying" I got you"

PATHOLOGY REPORT

The Dr. called me last night with the pathology report.  I had 2 tumors, the 1st was a stage 0 DCIS tumor. Pretty much meaning it was 1cm or smaller in found in my milk ducts. The 2nd  was a stage 1(the mammogram found this one) invasive tumor, this one was a little over 2cm in size.  Both are fed by estrogen.  So with all that said there is another test I have to have done.  Its called OncotypeDX.  Because my cancer was found so early and it did not spread to lymph nodes and its estrogen fed, I qualify for the test.  This test determines the probability of the cancer coming back.. There is a score from 0 to 100 the lower the score, the less  chance of recurrence.  A score of 0 to 8  no need for chem.  9 -30 need to consider possibility of needing chemo, 31 and above I really need to consider chemo.  So I have to wait another 2 weeks for those results. God is truly teaching me patience...lol  So I won't know how I am going to be treated for another 2 weeks. I guess that's good with everything not hitting me all at once. I just kinda feel its just dragging out longer. Oh well like I have said before this is God's plan and I can't rush Him, so I will just sit back and enjoy the ride because God is in control and He keeps telling me "I GOT YOU"

I will survive!

Today is starting out good.  I haven't had pain meds for over 12 hours.  So thinga are healing well.  I still have the drainage tube..yuck!!!  can't get rid of that until next Tues.  That sucks big time cause it seems that most of my discomfort is from this tube in me.  I'm so ready to get back to a somewhat normal life. Like a shower...no even better a bubble bath.  If's funny God and I have more talks now that I have so much free time.  That is what keeps me focused.

I was watching a video on Facebook this morning that had me crying.  It was a group of breast cancer survivors dancing and singing the Gloria Gaynor song "I will survive"  I was surprised by my reaction.  I started listening to the words and felt that most of it applied to me.  I started crying because it hit me that I did survived,  I made it, and I will be just fine...  Now this is really funny.  I have been searching Facebook and can not find that post.  I just saw it this morning.  Well, when I find it I will post it.  It;s nothing fancy but it just hit home for me that I am one of them now.

My daughter will be going to Italy for Spring Break afterall.  She wanted to spend it with me but they couldn't find anybody to take her place and she would loose $3000 she paid for the trip. I told her I will be ok.  The scary part(the surgey) is over and I'm doing well.  She plans on spending every other weekend with me when she gets back.  I didn't realize how much I miss having her around until she left. My children have made me very proud on how they are dealing with everything.  Their strength is truly amazing.

Well still waiting for the pathology report. This is all in God's hands. 

My cousin found the video  http://youtu.be/MHXsU45HTck

1 week later

It has been one week since my surgery.  How do I feel?  Good question.  I looked at myself in the mirror this morning.  I dunno, I didn't really feel any certain way.  I wasn't sad or mad,  just felt nothing.  Maybe because I know this is a process and before long I will look and feel normal again. I feel better than yesterday. Adjusting to my new body.  I'm so ready to workout, zumba or something. I know in time.

I had a dream the other day that I woke up and had both my breast and no cancer in my body.  This whole cancer thing was a dream.  It is still hard to believe sometimes.  I look at myself and wonder "did this really happen".  I don't feel like I'm living my life.  It gets really weird if you think about it too much.

I had a great talk with Nay(my daughter) this morning.  It feels good when you know that your child really appreciates everything you have done for them and they give you credit for who they have become.  My NayNay monster has grown up to be a fab young woman.  I miss having her around even tho we talk several times a day...lol    Hopefully I will hear something back about the pathology report today.  I'm ready to get moving on this.