HAPPY

It has been awhile since I last posted.  I got clearance from my plastic surgeon to shop for regular bras...YAYYYYY.   I will get my nipple reconstruction in Nov.  The side effects from the tamoxifen has calmed down a bit.  Except my fibroids getting so large I look pregnant.  I see the GYN this week to discuss what to do to fix it.  Other than that I am happy.  I look normal and I feel almost normal.

I ran into 2 people who haven't seen me since last year.  One of the ladies didn't even know I had cancer.  she said looking at me she would never have known.  That made me feel sooooo good .  I smiled so hard. I realized I have been blessed to not have to struggle as bad as some women have.  I am actually having a pretty easy time of this.  I thank you Lord.... Oh how I thank you. The the next day I saw my old boss from Jackson Hewitt.  The last time she saw me was 2 weeks before my mastectomy.  She is the one who sent me the yummy fruit basket.  Well she said I looked awesome.. Again I was smiling hard and feeling very blessed.

I don't think most people understand that when something has changed on your body that wasn't really by choice, how abnormal you feel. Yea I stuffed my bra until the reconstruction and after the one breast was so swollen I wore very very loose tops so you couldn't see the unevenness.  Inside I didn't feel normal.  I wondered if I will ever feel that way again. I didn't want people to look at me with that look of pity in there eyes.  I just wanted them to see Candy,  the wife , the mom, the friend.  I'm getting my wish now, and it feels very good.  Yea my stomach looks like I'm several months pregnant, I feel good and from what people tell me I look good..lol lol. 

I am a 6 month breast cancer survivor!!!!!!!  Every day and every month and every year is important.  I want people to look at me and say "this is what surviving breast cancer looks like"  I am happy, somewhat happy with my body but this is a work in progress.  I know once the anniversary of my cancer comes around, I WILL be happy with my body again. 

Feeling almost normal

Today is a good day, even tho I have a headache that won't go away(sinuses I guess)  But still a good day.  I put on a sports bra today.  I finally took the white surgical vest I had to wear off.  I have to wear it tomorrow when I get my first fill but today  I feel somewhat normal.  With all the bandages I have to wear for compression tucked inside the sports bra I look normal. Even a lil cleavage...lol.

I talked to lady from SOS a breast cancer survivors group.  She like my attitude about cancer.  I had told her that I know that everybody have cancer cells in their bodies but for some reason mine have ADHD and want to party in my body...lol  it sucks! I was good talking to her because she was diagnosed at the same age I was and understood all of my concerns.  I think that group will be good for me. I know its nothing big but a big step for me..  :-)