My Anniversary

One year ago today I married my best friend.  What a year we have had.  2 weeks before the wedding I found a lump in my breast. I had put off getting it checked because it was painful and I didn't think it was a bi deal.  2 months later I was told I have breast cancer, 1 month later I lost my right breast.  2 months later I was able to bring home my little boy Dylan 9 months old at the time. 2 months later I had my reconstruction surgery. 2 week later we had to move from our home because it was falling apart and very unhealthy for us to live there. 3 months later I had unexpected surgery and 2 week hospital stay.

All during this time my wonderful husband held down his church even tho we don't have a building at this time and he took great care our boys.  This has been a year of many challenges and God keep his hand over our marriage.  We have become stronger and closer as a couple.  Our love has grown deeper this past year.  I can't imagine going thru this without him. God knows when to place certain people in your life when you will need them the most.  I am bless to have him.  He had made me feel even more beautiful even tho my body has changed and scarred up. He still looks at me like he did on our wedding day.  And after what I have been through, that is real important.... real important. Matt and our kids have made a point not to treat me any different than they did before.  That is important.   I need to feel "normal"  Well normal for me..lol  My family does that for me the best they can.

I couldn't have asked for a better partner. I have never felt such a connection with a person.  He knows what I want and need sometimes before I know.  He refuse to let me get down or feel sorry for myself.  He builds me up to be a stronger and better person.  This is MY husband and best friend!!!

Surgery

I got the news on 9/11 that I have to have a complete hysterectomy next Wed.  I also found out that because of the size of my uterus ( size of someone 5 to 6 months preggo) and how fast it grew it has cause other issues inside of me(part of it from the tamoxifen) that's why I need surgery so soon.  He is moving other people out the way to fit me in. 

Dr. Miller is great.  He was very very thorough with telling me all my options and the pros and cons of everything and the effect it will have on my body. He explained everything that is going on inside..... and there is alot happening in there, much more than I knew. 

I was very disappointed with the news of the hysterectomy.  I understand why I need it and I welcome feeling better. Plus it will improve the chances of the cancer not coming back even more. It's just not what I wanted.  It eliminates any chance of having a child with my husband.  It still hurts when I sit and think about it. That was something I wanted to really share with him.  I am thankful for the 3 children I do have.  I think it is awesome that my lil Dylan looks like me even tho I didn't give birth to him. :) .

For many many years I wouldn't follow God's plan for me.  Thinking I knew what was best or what I can do better.  In Aug of 1997 God forced me on his plan.  It wasn't easy and it wasn't painless but I am so glad He did it.  See I get these ideas in my head and God has a way of letting me know that is not what He has planned for me.  Like right after I got the news it took me an hour to get home(normally 30 min trip)  I had time to process what I was told.  I was still in shock but God had time for me to hear Him and I understood why a little better.  I don't like it but I understand. Ohhhh yea.. Now the day I find out this news, that night my phone dies.  The one time I put my phone in Dylan's diaper bag, his sippy cup leaks on my phone.  I didn't get a new phone until noon the next day.  It was weird sitting in the house not talking to somebody about what was happening.  Then I realized that God wanted me to think and plan this out and I wouldn't have been able to if I was on the phone so much.

I'm not upset anymore. I am content with what has to be done.  See during my quiet time yesterday I thought about the positive ..... I won't have a period anymore!!! YAYYYYYYY.  He said that I won't feel much different than I do now on tamoxifen. I can handle that. NO MORE PMS!!!!!!!!  and I suffered and my family did also...lol    I will save money on feminine products..Thank the Lord.... I will loose weight getting rid of my preggo stomach.  I will feel better in general.  I haven't felt really well in years. So I am looking forward to being able to be "normal" again. Goodness the fibromyalgia has been a cake walk compared to this mess I have been dealing with lately....lol

In general I will be a much healthier person after this surgery.  Yes I am very tired of being cut on and I will have a new scar but they will be my battle scars, my survivor scars.  They are proof of the things I have overcame.  Some of them have made me sad and some have made me happy ( the boob job...lol)  But all of them have made me better and stronger.