1 Week

1 week.....1 week.  I am scheduled to have a craniotomy in 1 week It is still so hard to believe.  I am experiencing such a range of emotions it is crazy. I still haven't been able to cry.  I get sad then I get mad because I don't want to be sad. I become irritable trying to remember everything that needs to be done, the I get mad again because I have to go thru this, then I starting thinking about people who are worst off and I start to feel grateful.  Most of the time I'm numb cause I don't know what to feel because it doesn't seem real.  I pray every day for healing but God might decide the surgery is the way I will be healed.  I just don't want my head cut open. The Dr. said I will be back to normal after surgery.  Now my question is "What exactly is normal?"..lol  I'm not the most "normal" person around..lol   I'm hoping that when the tumor is gone It will unleash an enormous wave of creativity.  Yeahh I like that.  I am trying to stay positive about this whole thing because to me  this is sooooo crazy.  I have been a little stressed with trying to prepare my family and home for this surgery.  So things will run as easy as possible for them while I'm gone and when I first come home.  This whole thing is so surreal.  God must have some extra special blessings for me because what I have been thru in the past 2 years is a bit much...lol   5 surgeries in 2 years and this one makes #6.  Goodness I look forward to turning 50.  God should be finished refurbishing me by then...lol