This is soo HARD!!

Yesterday was a bad day.  I'm barely hanging on by a string.couldn't take my anti anxiety meds cause I has so much running around to do and I had to do laundry.  Have you ever NOT want to do something so bad it hurts, but know it needs to be done.  I need to do this in order to save my life. I DON"T WANT TO LOOSE MY BREAST. I don't want to have surgery, I don't want the pain .  I want my life back,  Even going back to my job is unsure because movement of my right arm will be limited for awhile.  I really don't know how long they can hold on to it for me. Nobody truly understands the pain that is so deep inside. This hurts, this whole thing hurts.  This is so unfair to my new husband and my kids.  I can't seem to stop crying... even tho making heart shape pancakes mad me smile this morning. Surgery tomorrow.I don't want it but I need it.  that sucks! I think yesterday is the hardest I cried since I found out about the cancer.  All this preparing is getting to me.  I wish God would use me to show the world a miracle. Right now I'm hurting so much inside.  I have to go for some injections today. So they can see if the cancer is trying to spread.. so if I don't answer your call and just text you please understand it's too hard to talk to anybody without getting upset and I don't want you to think it was you that upset me.  I guess I do need some counseling.  Right now is not a good time to ask "How are you doing?"  The answer is NOT GOOD.  I will probable write more later.