My tough shell is cracking. Yesterday is making everything real. I had to go apply for temp disability. It was a bit crazy everybody...not everybody but it was a very trying time getting to the right person to help me. I even burst into tears in the office but that's when they found somebody to help me. He was very kind and understanding.He even had me laughing by the time I left his office.
I started taking the anti anxiety meds the Dr. gave me. I really thought I wouldn't need them but I feel like I'm on the verge of crying at any moment. So don't walk up to me with bad breath, I just might burst into tears from the smell....hehehe... maybe not that bad but close. But don't tip toe around me.... if my breath is bad Please tell me. please don't take me tears personal...They seem to run out my eyes on their own these days..lol Goodness I was apologizing in the lady's office crying and telling her I'm ok.. I know I looked crazy..lol
It's funny I have never felt God around me more than I do now. Even when I have my private moments of falling apart He is there holding me letting me know that am ok and it's ok to feel the way I do. At times I feel kinda crazy.. I have been content, sad, depressed, silly, and even happy. I can't seem to feel anger. I kinda feel like I can't get angry at God's plan. Everything will work out in the end and then I will understand why I had to go through this. I have look at how my experiences in my past has prepared me to deal with what is happening now. Goodness if this had happen five or ten years ago, I would have been a babbling mess...lol. My relationship with God has taught me, things happens for a reason and He will NEVER leave me alone. So with Matt on one side and God on the other and my kids around....I will conquer any battle that comes my way. that's it.. I need a battle cry like in the movie Red Tails.... I gotta think on that