THE DEVIL CAN'T STEAL MY JOY!

Hello,  It has been quite some time since my last post.  Well the devil tried to distract me, even tho I didn't make a post I didn't forget.  Yesterday February 15th 2016 I am 4 years cancer free. 4 long years but I have made it,  God has kept me.. THANK YOU LORD....HALLELUJAH!!!  The devil tried... yes he did but he lost that battle. God is keeping his promise to me.  This journey hasn't been easy but it would have been much harder with God in my life.  God gave me the best husband who have loved me more and more the past 4 years.  I am so very thankful for him.

I was reading a post from 4 years ago and all I could do is cry because I remember that pain. http://candybradby.blogspot.com/2012/02/this-is-soo-hard.html  I remember wondering what my life is going to be like after the mastectomy. I was hurting.  BUT GOD!!!  I don't feel that pain anymore.  God has used me and has showed me His love.  In my worst pain God kept me.  The devil tries to convince you to give up, the pain won't go away, things will never get better.... IT'S A LIE.  Trust in God... Trust Him... I am living proof... read my older post.  It will look bad.. real bad like when I had the brain tumor 2 years ago.  I have videos right after surgery on my Facebook page Surgery Video Now I see why the Lord had me write this blog, to show people living proof trusting in Him in your darkest hour He will come thru.

4 years....  I just took it one day at a time, one week at a time one month at a time and now I can count years at a time.  Yes my life has changed, my body has changed and even my mindset but with the love from my husband, children and family and my church family and last but not least my God I feel stronger than ever. I feel I am living testament to my church's(House Of Champions International Church and Ministries) mission statement.  This is just part of it " No weapon formed against us shall prosper as we are called we are more than conquerors in the Word! We are winners in every area of our lives and we shall all prosper in all that we do. In my darkest hour I asked God to use me.  Thank you for listening Lord.   Yayyyy me 4 years cancer free!!

God is SOOOOO Good!!!

No New Cancer.  The lump was just an infected gland!!  Mannnn I wanted to just jump off that table.  I was sooo happy.  My husband said people would get their release at bible study Wed night. I Got mine!  Prayer and obedience that's what it takes. I am healthy and don't need to see the dr for another 6 months.So I continue to be cancer free.  God is so Good!!!!  Now they did take awhile to tell me my results and I did start to doubt.  But I also knew if it was cancer I was going to fight with God on my side and I was going to win! I'm so happy I was dancing in the elevator. Thank You for all your prayers.  God heard you.  I thank you Lord for this blessing.

WOW 1 year ago!!!!

Happy Craniversary to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!  One year ago today Mindy the Meningioma was evicted.  I was told I was going to loose hearing completely in my right ear,  I was going to have difficulty swallowing, I was going to have drooping on the right side of my face, and some other issues... BUT GOD!!!!!!!  I have none of that.  I woke up from surgery hearing again out of my right ear.  This is the longest I have gone with not having to need surgery.  I am so thankful  so so thankful.  Having 6 major surgeries in 3 years is rough on the body but God kept me.  I am in tears as I look at how far I have came during this year.  My head is still healing...barometer head when the weather changes..uggg but that is really the only issue I really have to deal with.  Other than that I am "normal"  I guess as normal as I can be..hehe,  my fibromyalgia is manageable again.  It is amazes me what God has done for me.  I know my faith in God is why I am where I am today.  Between gall bladder surgery,breast cancer, breast reconstruction (easiest surgery), bad hysterectomy surgery, hernia surgery and the brain tumor WOW I have been through a lot.  Thank you God for my healing!!!!

God Has Spoken "LET THEM WATCH"

Interesting title huh?  Here some back story.  Yesterday was a good day for me.  I made some money for Jay's party doing a focus group in Hunt Valley and I was able to schedule an appointment with my plastic surgeon to finish my breast reconstruction.  See after my 1st reconstruction I needed 3 major surgeries, so she wanted to wait until I was doing well to finish up.  I called my oncologist's office to get the results from my blood work that was done last week.  **BIG SIGH**  Everything looks good except that darn alkaline phosphatase levels.  It has gone a little higher than it was in May. (raised alkaline phosphatase levels means the cancer is trying to come back)  The nurse told me that Dr. Couzi will call me later to talk to me.  That put me in a bad head space. I allowed myself to be there just for a moment.  I called my husband and being the wonderful person he is reminded me EVERYTHING else is good.  Even the PET scan I had a month ago came up with nothing.  So I decided that I will give it to God and have the same faith I did with my brain tumor.  Ok Dr. Couzi called me last night............She kept asking how I am feeling.  I told her I feel good and doing well.  I told her about my shoulder that didn't really concern her because I am getting physically therapy for it. She kept asking about my back.  I kept saying my back is fine.  She told me she is at a lost to why my levels are rising and everything else is normal.  She is going to talk to her colleagues and get back to me.  She thinking about doing another bone scan. So I should be hearing from her at the end of the week.  I also finally heard from my Neurologist about my 6 month MRI and check up.  I go in Aug for that.  So a lot of info thrown at me in 1 day...lol  But I can handle it.

So this morning during my quiet time I decided not to ask God for anything today.  I just sat saying THANK YOU.  Over and over just thanking Him.  Then I heard it loud and clear "LET THEM WATCH"  Now I know this word isn't just for me.  Someone reading this gets it and understands.  At first I was like "What do you mean?" Then I remember what He did during my brain surgery.  I had to start crying tears of joy.   I know I will be ok no matter what is coming my way.  God has always taken care of me. Always had me come out better than I was when I went in.  So if you don't believe......just WATCH

Post OP 5 months - 2 weeks NO pain meds!!!!

I want to cry.  It has been 2 weeks and I haven't taken any pain meds. not even a Tylenol.  I am 44 and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 25.  I have been in some kind of pain every day of my life since. No more migraines...even with the crazy weather we have had.  Normally when the weather would change I would feel it in my head(barometer head)  I haven't gotten it in 2 weeks. I'm not trying to sell you anything, I just want to let you know what works for me and how I'm doing.  Since the brain surgery I would get these sharp pains in my head like electric shocks.  They would stop me in my tracks. Haven't been shocked in 2 weeks.  Now don't get me wrong I am still tender at the surgery site... I don't think I will be getting my hair braided anytime soon....lol.  I do still get these weird sensations in my head.  I can't say it hurts,  just a weird tingling feeling.  I called my Neurosurgeon yesterday for my 6 month checkup.  HAHA he was surprised how well I was doing after 2 weeks wait until he sees me now! Goodness I have so much more energy but some days I still need to nap but only for 30min at the most not 1-2 hours like before.  I just feel like a more productive human being.  I can't thank God enough for showing me THRIVE.  So many meds I have been able to stop.  I was taking a mild antidepressant because of the breast cancer meds... mainly for hot flashes(which I use to get several an hour) and for mood swings because of the surgical menopause I'm in. The hot flashes have calmed down tremendously and my mood.  I am normally a positive person but I am even more now... if that is possible...lol

God has been so so so good to me.  He promised me that cancer wasn't going to kill me and He would handle the brain tumor and now He has controlled my fibromyalgia. I trusted God and asked for help when I needed and put it in God's hands when it was too much for me to handle. I give Him ALL the glory.  He knows how skeptical I am.  He had 2 people come to me at 2 totally different places to tell me about THRIVE.  Because I heard about it but didn't believe and just thought it was something like Herbalife which I tried and it didn't do much for my health or pocket. But with someone telling me about it at church(he is also a good friend of my husband) and a total stranger at a yardsale in the same weekend I had to give it a try.  God knows me ..lol  He knows I'm hard-headed and need convincing.  So when my husband tried his sample and I saw how great he felt and when he didn't need his antacids before bed like many many nights before and didn't have the desire to snack  (this man was the snack monster...lol) I knew I wanted to try.

2 weeks later all I can do is cry tears of joy.  I haven't felt this good since my early 20's.  I use to wonder if I would ever feel normal. Now I am.  I go to my Oncologist next week for bloodwork because they thought the cancer was trying to come back because certain levels were elevated, the PET scan didn't find anything so i go for bloodwork again.  I can't wait for her to see me and see how well I'm doing. I believe my levels were elevated because of the pain meds I was taking back then.  Since I don't take them I know my levels will be back to normal.

Now don't get me wrong.. I do eat healthier and I exercise (some).  But THRIVE just makes it easier.  If possible just try it.  What harm will it do?  not work?  Then you lost nothing but if it does??????????  WOW You will gain a new outlook on life.  All I can say I am Thankful for how I feel after years almost 25 years of pain.  Got me crying as I type this.  Thank You God.... Thank You, Thank You.


www.candyb.le-vel.com 
I would like a sample inbox me on facebook or leave a message here.  :)

Week 6 & 7 Recovery

 Well I had a little bit of an issue early in 6th week... but it was the nerves waking up and it was painful.  It let me dizzy and just felt bad.  It only lasted a couple of days.  But the pain shows up off and on and throws me off. I'm getting out and walking more.  I just can't walk as fast as I use to ....dizziness kicks in so slow going for me.  I had a great time for my birthday(March 28).  Had breakfast with my mom and then a long nap(3 hours) then dinner with hubby at a hibachi restaurant.  It was fun.  I was concerned if the noise from the chef would bother me and it didn't.  The lights were low and it wasn't real noisy.  I loved it.  Then my daughter came in town to pamper me.  So her and her best friend Symone took me to the MAC store to get my makeup done.  I felt nice to brighten up my look. It felt to nice to feel pretty. I enjoyed being in the mall.  I has been a long time since I have been able to walk around a mall.  We got there early to make it easier on me. By the time we left it was pretty busy and things were bothering me. Between the lights and the people and just mall noise it was getting to be a bit much and I started to get pains in my head.  Then we went to get our nails done.  That was nice and relaxing. It has been over a year since I had my nails done so I enjoyed the pampering.  Then we went to a nice Mexican restaurant that reminded Nay of Texas. I needed a very long nap after that day. 

Now week 7.  I went to church (where my husband is the pastor) Sunday.  Loved it.  I miss my Faith Church Baltimore family and fellowship.  I was tired but it was a good tired.  The noise bother me some.  My head feels like it is tightening along the incision and I still get shocks of sharp pains  at time.  I drove this week.  I had to take Dylan to the DR. for a checkup.  I did good driving.  Now having a toddler all day by myself is another story. I get tired very easy.  I don't have the energy to care for a 2 year old all day.  I thank God for Aunt Ann.  She has been a true blessing watching him during the day while I heal.  When I rest up during the day I have the energy to care for him when he comes home in the evening. 

Now I am experiencing a sweet taste in my mouth all the time.  I go to see the dr. next week.  I'm not getting headaches as much.  Just the sharp pains that come and go.  I can actually say I am feeling good. I feel my life is better since Mindy the Meningioma was removed.  I am getting stronger and stronger every day.  God gets all the Glory.  I trusted Him.  I trusted He would care for me and He did. I am proof that God will keep his promises. But that will be another whole post...lol.   I'm not 100% yet I would say 70%.  There are still some things I can't do but I am healing and happy.  I'm gonna try water aerobics this weekend to see if I can handle it. I am walking more than I was able to before the surgery.  I am taking one day at a time. But I am having more good days than bad.

So very Thankful. 

Thank You God!!!

 Well I made it thru surgery fantastic.!!!!  I was told that the nerves were wrapped around the tumor quite a bit that's why they had to have more monitoring during my surgery cause it was going to be more complicated.  God ...God was there.  My surgery was only 6 hours long instead of 9 and the doctors said the nerves just bent out the way so he could remove the tumor.  NO NO nerves were cut,  Even a very sensitive nerve that controls my swallowing was just fine.  I'm not using much pain meds.  I normally have problems with my IV cause I can only use the one arm from breast cancer surgery NO problems there.  I had brain surgery on Tuesday and I am home doing well on Sat.  God did this.  I stayed faithful. I never doubted Him.  Even when my symptoms were getting worst I knew God would take care of me.  So many prayers went up that morning and I am so very thankful and grateful for His love.
 I was able to walk a flight a stairs yesterday very well.  I just have to use a few tricks to help my brain heal and regain more independence.  I will be going to outpatient therapy to help me get stronger. I wish I could go to church today but just a walk to the bathroom is enough excitement for me these days..lol    But God knows my praise!!  I will be back soon Faith Church Baltimore


PS.  I am asking for help with meals for my family since I am the family chef...lol A website has been set up to help schedule meals if you would like to help.  I normally don't ask for help but I realize the brain is very sensitive and I will take a little more time getting back to my normal routine. Because of my husband's job and pastoring a church and taking care of home I know the meals would be one less worry for him. So if you would like to bless us with a meal please inbox me for the website and password to set a date.  Thank you for your help.

YAYYYYYYYY for TODAY!!! 2 YEARS

YAYYYYYYYYY...Today is my 2 year Cancer Free Anniversary!!!!.  2 years ago today cancer was removed from my body.  I am so very thankful to still be alive.  Yes the last couple of years have been tough but I am cancer free. I really didn't realize how mentally tough I am. But God knew.  He knew I could handle this battle and win.  Through the last 2 years I have been able to inspire women with cancer to have faith in God to help them thru this crazy journey.  I cry tears of happiness  that I made it this far.  2 years cancer free. You always fear the cancer will come back especially since I did keep one breast but God has been showering me with FAVOR.  I pray I will continue to receive His cancer free blessings for many many more years.  I plan on being around for my baby Dylan's children.  I am also thankful for the blessing of my loving husband.  He has loved me so much thru this and continues to shower me with more and more love.  That is the best medicine a woman  can get. When I start to fall he is right there to pick me up and dust me off and push me to keep going.  And I am thankful for my parents. They have been the best, being there to care for me, take me to appointments or just love on me when I needed them.  And can't forget my kids.  They keep a smile on my face.  My daughter makes me so proud of the woman she has become, she calls me almost everyday sometime several times a day. My middle son takes great care of me. Even tho he is becoming a young man he stills hugs and kisses me every morning and every night, and my baby boy won't let me be sad. He is always doing something to make me laugh and his little hugs and kisses and songs always make me feel better.  Yes I am a 2 YEAR SURVIVOR !

The Countdown Begins

Today I go for my pre-op exam.  The Dr. just makes sure I am healthy enough for surgery.  It's sad I have been thru this way too many times.  1 week before surgery.....UGGGGGG.  I am working on getting things at home ready also.  Getting laundry done and planning out meals for my guys  so things can be less stressful for Matt and Jay.  I have already shut down my ebay store temporarily and Matt said he will help with my Avon  business.  I am very thankful for my church family and friends who offered to help out with Dylan.  So I don't have to worry about him. I know Matt can handle things but I would like to make it as easier as possible for him.  I can't wait until this is all over and I can get on with my life.  The good thing about all of this I probably loose a couple of pounds :)  Yayyyyy. 

Part II
Well I just got home from the Dr.  everything looks good. Blood pressure good (good thing I have been taking my meds)  EKG good ( whewww.. I really didn't want to go to the cardiologist any time soon) They a lot of blood. And I had to go for chest xray.   My nerves are  starting to get to me a bit.  It is still kinda hard to believe this happening.  I realized something today.  I really don't like talking about this out loud.I had to explain to 5 different people why I was there.....  The only thing the Dr didn't like was my weight but he said considering what I have been thru the past couple years it is very understandable and we will work on it after this surgery.  This is still hard to believe.

October..... Can I be Honest

Can I be honest.  This is a hard month for me.  Yes I am so very thankful for being cancer free right now and I am so very thankful that I didn't have to go thru chemo or radiation. It's just kinda hard seeing the changes my body has gone thru in the past year and a half with all the surgeries I needed. There are some other things going on but I don't want to discuss them until some more conformation later this month.  I am still not able to do some of things I use to do or want to do.The meds are rough on me with some of the side effects.  Sometimes I just want to forget I ever had cancer.  Cancer has really turned my life upside down.  This surgery induced menopause I'm in doesn't help either..lol  Maybe I am just a little more emotional lol.  I think a lot of it has to do with not having much control over my body...

The up side is that I am cancer free. Because of I what I have gone thru many women I know have gone and had their mammograms. Thank God no one has been diagnosed with breast cancer.... that I know of.  This is not an easy fight.  It's a battle physically, mentally and emotionally.  God has help me keep laughing thru this journey.  I still have a very long life to live. I have had to make a few adjustments  but I plan on being around to see my great grans. God has help me become a stronger person over the last year.

So rock your Pink this month... Get you Mammogram!!

A lil scared

It has been awhile since I have updated my blog.  Well I have been going thru a lot of changes lately.  I have been having a rough time with the cancer meds I was put on   Letrozole.  It did not like me.  I have bad bone pain and fatigue and it cause my fibromyalgia to flair up real bad.  I have been put on several more pills.  UGGGGG I am still hanging in there.  Tomorrow I go for my mammogram.  I am nervous.  The last time I went thinking that nothing was wrong, I was given a very rude awaking.  I was suppose to also get a MRI but the insurance company doesn't think it is medically necessary... All I can do is shake my head cause it was a MRI that found the microscopic cancer in my right breast so it was definite I needed a mastectomy. 

I have been in a ho hum mood lately.  I have to go to physical therapy to help manage the pain.  I really wish I could go back to work.  But it won't be happening any time soon. I will be trying another medicine and hope the side effects are not as bad.  If my body doesn't agree with this new one I only have 1 other med to try.  Then it just using the lesser of the 3 evils... my doctor's words. 

I am thankful I can still care for my family on my good days. It is frustrating not being able to do as much as I use to but I am still alive.  Now back to this mammogram tomorrow.  *Big Sigh*  I go for the mammo then I go over to my breast doctor's office.  Praying everything turns out ok.  God sure has me on a rough road.  When things get hard for my I have the tendency to get quiet and turn inward.. But I know I shouldn't keep all these feelings inside.  I am just tired of dealing with cancer and the effects of it on my body.  My fibromyalgia was very manageable until the last couple months.  I know things will get under control in the future.

Tomorrow scares me.  

2012...WOW

This year has been a true challenge for me. My life has changed in ways I never would have imagined. But it all has not been bad.  Because of the cancer we found our baby boy  :)   Breast cancer and the unexpected hysterectomy and my 3 surgeries , 2 1/2 week hospital stay( pneumonia, tube in my nose to my stomach for 2 weeks, IV in my neck, almost heart attack...no muscle damage so it wasn't a heart attack,that is what the Dr.'s said, blood clot in my leg), and burning my hand.  All this happening while we had to move from a house that was literally falling apart, to our church(for a very short time) to our home now.  Our church was going thru transition during the same time.

 I survived!!!! With God and my husband I have made it. My faith in God is even stronger than ever before. I want to thank my mom and dad for their support. It would have been a lot tougher without their help. I want to thank Matt's family, his mom and aunts and cousin for caring for Dylan when I was in the hospital and while I was recovering.  This year I truly discovered that I have the best, loving, compassionate, fabulous children God can create. Chardiney and Jayson took such good care of me when I couldn't care for myself.  They are going to make great spouses and parents. Last but surely not least I want to thank my loving husband Matthew Bradby. He made me feel so loved and beautiful when I didn't feel the same.  He has been by side whenever I needed him.   I love him so much.  He took great care of the boys when I was in the hospital and worked and pastored the church and still came to see me every day. You know the part in the marriage vows for better or worst... I guess we got the worst out the way first. I am so thankful for him.

But this year wasn't all bad.  I added a new member to my family and I love him as tho I birthed him myself.  He has brought so much love and joy to our family... DYLAN.  My oldest child Chardiney graduated from Wesely College and is in grad school and join the Air Force Reserve. I couldn't be more proud of her. My son Jay stepped it up and took on more responsibility with caring for his brother and me.  So proud of the young man he is becoming.

2012 has taught me I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. God does answer prayers. He will take care of all your needs,,, you just have to ask.  Now I did say NEEDS.  Everything happens for a reason.  I am excited for 2013. God has been showing his power in my family's life quite a bit in the last couple of weeks. I will continue to praise Him and give thanks. Thank You Father God for loving me so much!

YUCKY TAMOXIFEN

Tamoxifen is yucky.  I feel like being a little kid and falling out on the floor kicking and screaming.  I  haven't felt well for the last 2 weeks. I thought it was just back spasms again. but after a week and a half and the pain got worst I had to go back to the ER.  Well Well.... they had to give me morphine to stop my pain and then I had a CAT scan (for the 3rd time in 3 months).  This time they found a mass on my ovaries and  found that my uterus is the size of a six month pregnant woman.  Yes I do look preggo. OK... They did an ultrasound and found that the mass was just fluid and not cancer and I did have a cyst on a ligament connected to my ovary.  I also found out that I have more fibroids then I thought. UGGGGGG

Now I did ask my Oncologist if I should have the fibroids that I did have removed before starting tamoxifen.  She didn't think I would have a problem.... Well guess what... I am having problems!!!  Tamoxifen is known to cause fibroids and cause them to grow.  I am surprised how fast they have grown. I have stopped taking the tamoxifen because I don't want to look 9 month pregnant in a couple of weeks.  My Oncologist is looking for an Oncology GYN for me.  She feels they can treat me best at this time.  I just want these things out of me.  I finally got my boobs looking like I want now I look pregnant.  Maybe at 50 I get my body back....lol 

To be honest I wasn't taking the meds like I was suppose to, except for this last month.  I did take it almost everyday.  I'm thinking if I took them like I am suppose to from the beginning I would probably look 9 months preggo now.

The major issue I am having now is that I am tired of being cut up.  Within the last year I have had my gall bladder removed, a breast removed and reconstruction surgery.  I am tired of surgeries.  The only other surgery I have had in my life was a c-section and it was worth all the pain cause it was to bring my daughter into this world.  Now because of YUCKY TAMOXIFEN I will need another surgery.  Cancer sucks!!!!!  I am hoping they can do some kind of laser surgery or something. I won't know until I meet with this new Dr. So this will make doctor #5 to add to my list..lol  

Now the spiritual side of me knows that God is challenging me and watching how I am handling this.  Well God I got this!!  No matter how tired I get I will keep fighting.  I know when this is all well and done I will be rewarded.  God just needs to see how strong I am.  Well you got one tough chick here.  I have too much to live for. I might fuss and whine at times but it doesn't weaken my fight. Thank you God for trusting me and using me.  I still think tamoxifen is yucky...lol

Post surgery

Wow that was an experience,  It was funny cause I didn't remember much that happened before my mastectomy last time.  That gosh darn lorazipan works wonders.  But this time I didn't take anything ... I was ready for this. I had the operating team laughing because I pretty much jump up on the table before they were ready for me..lol  Then afterwards ugggggggggg.. The pain was bad. it was getting close to labor pains.  I started to cry it was so bad.  I have a high pain threshold from dealing with the fibromyalgia.  That didn't make any difference I was hurting.. They kept giving me pain meds then they gave me liquid Tylenol.  That stuff works.  I'm on percocet now.  I seem to be in constant pain but not as bad as earlier.. It's like a burning sensation on the left side of my chest. I keep being told the results are worth it..  HMMMMMM they better be nice...lol  this mess hurts.

The good thing is I am able to move around better today.. got all that pain meds and anesthesia  from the hospital out of my system. My head doesn't feel fuzzy anymore. Now don't get me wrong I am so ever thankful for being able to have this surgery.  There are so many women that can't have reconstruction surgery for one reason or another. I have read the stories of my cancer friends and they seem to be going thru so much more than me.  I pray for them everyday.  These are some tough women. They make my journey look like a walk in the park. They still support and encourage me when needed. 

I am looking forward to healing so I can hold my baby Dylan again.  I kept kissing on him yesterday morning. He was looking at me like he knew why. I can't wait until I am able to tale him to the pool.  My big boy Jay has been such a blessing I really can't imagine life with out him. Nay couldn't come down because it was her first day on the job.  Last but definitely not least my hubby... he even went without food because I couldn't eat.  I love him so so much..

So now I focus on healing and moving.  Still got stuff to pack. I'm going to more of a director than anything else.  What a busy week we have.

Reconstruction Day

It is hard to believe that today I will have my reconstruction surgery.  There have been moments where I actually forget that I had cancer. Then I am given a reminder either with the tamoxifen or my hard right "breast"  The only thing I am not happy with is that I have to wait until 11 to go to the hospital.  I couldn't eat or drink anything after 12 midnight.  We still have packing to do, so I will be keeping myself busy packing until Matt takes me to the hospital. 

We are also moving this week but I won't be moving anything after today.  This house is falling apart.  Ok we got the sewage back up in the basement and the wall leaking in the basement then the hole in my kitchen ceiling showing the bathtub pipes and now the ceiling in the leaking wall room fell in.  this house is literally falling apart around us. I am so happy we are getting out of here this week.

It is weird, I am having very mixed feelings right now.  I'm excited, nervous,scared and angry that I even had to go thru this. I never had any surgery except a c-section for my daughter 23 years ago.  I turn 40 and I fall apart. 1st my gall bladder didn't want to stay a week after my birthday and then my breast didn't want to stay 2 weeks before my wedding. I thought I was doing pretty good health wise.  I eat pretty healthy, I don't smoke, I might have a drink once or twice a year even then I don't drink much.  It's crazy how cancer picks it victims. Well I'm pissed.  I was very happy with my breast BC  (before cancer).  Well one good thing about this is that I can go without a bra  :)  So as soon as the bandages come off Summer dresses here I come...lol 

I thank God for keeping my sanity.  You go thru so many different feelings once you are told you have cancer, that you feel kinda crazy at time. My faith in God has kept me sane ( now I know others might question the sane part..lol).  Thank You Lord for loving me and keeping me.  I couldn't have done it without you.  This journey isn't over yet.

My Birthday

March 28,  I have turned 42 today.  The last year has been a whirlwind for me. I have had 2 surgeries (gall bladder removed & breast cancer) I got married to the most loving man made for me. I feel as tho my relationship with my son and daughter has grown deeper and stronger.  My family is growing in leaps and bounds. We got a cat named Jacob and soon my lil baby boy Dylan.  He will be with me on Good Friday.

I can't imagine this year past year without my husband. I love him more than word can express. He has given me strength to fight. He is my King, my partner. I had asked God for a man that goes to church.  God laughed at me and gave a Bishop...lol.  Being a pastor's wife is the last thing in the world I ever thought I will be.  I am learning and I am enjoying this road that God has put me on.

I am thankful I am on this earth for another year. As I look back, I notice my obedience has made the last year easier.  I didn't make a move unless God told me to.  Every decision God was consulted. Everything I have been thru has been a learning experience. My faith and trust in the Lord has gotten me this far and I plan on holding His hand for rest of the journey.  I'm starting to believe that sometimes he let go of my hand to allow me to feel the human side so I understand how it feels, so when the time comes I can really help some else in the same situation. But knowing no matter what, all I have to do is reach out and He will be there to take my hand again. 

God has a big plan he is preparing me for. This molding process has been tough and i know he is not finished.
I'm excited about this year.  So I'm holding on tight to God cause this is going to be one very interesting journey.

LOVE

I saw this video and it made me cry cause my husband has been reminding me everyday since we found out I have cancer that he loves me and he is not going anywhere.  He loves the person I am and tells me everyday that I'm beautiful no matter how crazy I look...and I know I have had some rough days.  I can't imagine going thru this without him.  We have been holding each other up as a team should.  I love him so much there are no words to express the depth of my love for him.  I just want you and the world to know I love and appreciate and adore you. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband!!!!
 http://youtu.be/bM9fzser6RY

Thank You God!!

It's Sunday February 19, 2012.  I want to Thank God for being there with me during this whole surgery thing and staying by my side during my recovery. My pain is easing up.. Soo BIG YAYYYY!!! for that..lol  I'm still taking it easy.  My fabo husband bought me this great soft, comfy recliner so it makes it easier for me to stay still..lol  I got some of the best sleep in this chair yesterday since the surgery.  Matt  is so wonderful and good to me.  Thank you God for him.
God has help me get into a good mental place.  I was really scared how I would feel after the surgery.  I thought I would be depressed and sad and crying.  I don't feel any of that.  I am a little self conscious of the unevenness of my breast but I am content.  I'm happy the surgery part is over. Mentally, I am in a good place.  God has put peace in my heart.  When you trust God, He makes everything so much easier to deal with.  This whole thing was getting to hard to handle and I had to hand it over to God.  As He promised He took care of it.  It's funny cause God kept telling me "I Got You".  That is all He was saying in the days up to my surgery. I know I still have more road to travel on the journey, I'm not worried God is traveling with me.

Recovering

Well everything is going well.  I'm a little sad that my daughter Nay had to leave but having her here to take care of me was great.  She did yell at me to stay still.. I think she enjoyed fussing me ...lol.  I moved around too much yesterday and tried to get up this morning and felt the most horrible pain.. So I will be moving a lot less today.  It's just weird for me to have others waiting on me.  My husband is being so wonderful.  He was up all night just to make sure I don't miss my pain meds.  I just love him so much.  He fussed at me to for moving around too much...lol  I took a look at myself yesterday.  It didn't upset me like I thought.  Now I am loop-sided but in a couple of months I will be just about even again.  Mentally I'm doing so much better.  God did tell me I will be alright. Now I'm just waiting for the pathology report.  I'm not worried about that either.  This part has been easier than I thought it would be.  so people had me so worried how I would feel after the surgery.  I was told I would be in soooo much pain and not going to be able to move much.  Well God has his hand on me and I feel great.(as long as I stay on top of the pain meds..lol)  I'm able to crochet and do my own hair ..I know the only thing that will drive me crazy is being stuck in the house.  But I'm resting and healing and I have cute pajamas.  I am a proud Breast Cancer Survivor! I can honestly say God has been by my side the whole way  :)

Day after surgery

Ok it's the day after surgery.  I am feeling better than I thought I would.  My daughter stayed overnight with me.  She is taking very good care of me.  They took the IV off early this morning, so I have more freedom. You know what's funny, the nurse kept wanting me to pass gas... it's funny to tell some stranger that "yeah i passed gas today"...lol   Good thing i didn't get my hair done.. I would have sweated out the style and be mad for wasting the money.  So that's on my todo list when I up to it.  Nay and I took a walk around for a little bit. I got to put on my cute Minnie Mouse pajama pants.  I'm loving my pain pills...lol  God kept his promise and I am doing well.  My surgeon came by and told me my lymph were negative..YAYYYYYYYYYY.  THANK YOU for all the prayers and good vibes sent my way. They worked,  I still feel weak but will be getting stronger and stronger everyday.  Now I'm just hoping I can go home today *crossing fingers*