Support

The other day I was on the phone with my daughter Nay as usual and I was telling her I wish I could talk to someone who has gone thru this so I would know what to expect after surgery.  She found a great group called Meningioma Mommas.  They have a Facebook page and a website with a discussion board.  They have been very helpful.  It is very nice to chat with people who are going thru or has gone thru the same thing.  The people have been very supportive. I am so happy Nay found them for me. I have learned more about my recovery and what to expect.  Still praying and meditating that the tumor will shrink and surgery won't be needed.  It is still hard to believe.  Oh well I have faith God will do what is best.

I CHOOSE HAPPY

2 weeks from today I will be having brain surgery.  It is still weird to say and hard to believe.  I find moments where I want to cry like a little baby but for some reason I can't.  I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I think it is more out of frustration. But I still haven't cried. There was a period before the last surgery date where I start to feel myself falling into a depressed state. I feel like I'm fighting my body.  My fibromyalgia is acting up bad right now.   I didn't want to be there so I prayed and asked God for help.  That is when I found my happy song.  I was flipping thru channels on TV and Pharrell William's video for Happy was on and it made me smile and the extra plus is it's from one of my favorite movies Despicable Me 2.  Well I loved both movies.  When I hear the song I automatically smile and I'm HAPPY.  I also have Minion ringtones.  I love it when my phone goes off while I'm in public.  It always puts a smile on somebody's face and makes them laugh.  You never know that might be the only laugh they will have that day.  I love making people happy.  Well back to my Happy Song,  My husband and daughter have been told I want to hear this song right before surgery and when the see me in recovery.  I choose to be happy.  Everybody should have a happy song.

New Surgery Date. Cancer Free

Ok Feb 18th is my new surgery date.  I tell you February must be my surgery month..lol  The good thing about February is that on the 15th I will be cancer free for 2 years YAYYYYYY MEEEE!!!.  At least I get to celebrate it before surgery.  I encourage all women of any age to do a self breast exam every month.  if you don't know how check out this link  self breast exam.  Did you know 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer.  And young women are not excluded anymore. If you feel anything that is different about your breast get it checked out.  And please don't think that if the lump hurts that it is not cancer.  My cancer lump did hurt. When I had the mammogram it found a second lump that I didn't feel and when I had surgery they found a 3rd lump deeper in my breast.  But the best part was it was found very early.  No chemo, no radiation needed. just hormonal therapy.  Hormonal therapy has been challenging but not as bad as the previous 2.  I feel very blessed that this is all I have to deal with.  The brain tumor is not cancer but would be a big problem if I leave it alone so it got to go.  The surgeon says I will be back to "normal" once it is gone...  well as normal as I can be...lol. 

Now I have a little more time to prepare my life for surgery.  I guess after going thru 4 previous surgeries I know what needs to be done for my family and home and me  to help our lives run smooth as possible during my recovery.   I also have more time to loose some weight before the 18th.  Well try to be healthier before the surgery.  So aqua fitness here I come  :).

Surgery Postponed

I don't know if it is good news or bad news..... The Neurosurgeon called me himself last night to let me know he wants to reschedule my surgery because his people took another look at my films and saw that I do not have an acoustic neuroma but I do have meningioma.  He said it is a more fibrous tumor and the nerve wraps itself around the tumor, so he wants more monitoring during the surgery.

Honestly I just want to sit in a corner and cry out of frustration.  I was getting myself in a good mental state for this surgery.  I don't want to have to take anything for my nerves.  I just want this over with.  The risks are still the same.  Hearing loss and partial loss of feeling on the right side of my face etc. etc.etc.  I'm trusting God that I will come out of this even better than I went into it.  Hey maybe God just needed more time to shrink the tumor so I don't even need surgery.  I can only pray.

So I wait for the call with the new surgery date.

The Countdown Begins

Today I go for my pre-op exam.  The Dr. just makes sure I am healthy enough for surgery.  It's sad I have been thru this way too many times.  1 week before surgery.....UGGGGGG.  I am working on getting things at home ready also.  Getting laundry done and planning out meals for my guys  so things can be less stressful for Matt and Jay.  I have already shut down my ebay store temporarily and Matt said he will help with my Avon  business.  I am very thankful for my church family and friends who offered to help out with Dylan.  So I don't have to worry about him. I know Matt can handle things but I would like to make it as easier as possible for him.  I can't wait until this is all over and I can get on with my life.  The good thing about all of this I probably loose a couple of pounds :)  Yayyyyy. 

Part II
Well I just got home from the Dr.  everything looks good. Blood pressure good (good thing I have been taking my meds)  EKG good ( whewww.. I really didn't want to go to the cardiologist any time soon) They a lot of blood. And I had to go for chest xray.   My nerves are  starting to get to me a bit.  It is still kinda hard to believe this happening.  I realized something today.  I really don't like talking about this out loud.I had to explain to 5 different people why I was there.....  The only thing the Dr didn't like was my weight but he said considering what I have been thru the past couple years it is very understandable and we will work on it after this surgery.  This is still hard to believe.

Acoustic Neuroma or Meningioma?

I plan recording my journey with this tumor and better health.  2 week ago I saw the ENT at John Hopkins  Dr. Limb, He said he doesn't believe I have an acoustic neuroma.  He believes it's a meningioma.  The difference is one is on the nerve to my ear  and the other is on the lining of my brain.  He said it looked like it was on the lining and spreads out to the nerve.  They won't know for sure until they get in my head.

Jan 14th is surgery day.  The nurse called me the other day with the schedules for tests
 and surgery time. I became nervous for the first time.  i still have a hard time believing this really happening. Breast cancer was a shock.  A brain tumor seems so unbelievable.  But I guess it's real because I am starting to have other symptoms.  The most frustrating one if the tingling and numbness and weakness in my right hand and arm.  Just imagine your arm and hands falling asleep all the time.  I also learned some of my confusion and forgetfulness  is from the tumor. So with that all said I am ready for this thing to get out of my head and get back to normal.

The closer it get to the surgery date and after I will probably doing video blogs showing my recovery.  I really hope what I am going thru helps another person get thru this.  God is my rock and I couldn't have done this without Him.  I know whatever reason I have to deal with this something good is going to come out of it.  God only have my best interest at heart.

Freedom

I had plan on no longer using a relaxer in my hair and was trying to decide what to do with my hair.  Since I am due to have surgery to remove a brain tumor next month I was thinking about cutting my hair  or  getting braids or something. Well I woke up Sunday morning tired of dealing with the different textures on my head and I asked my husband to cut my hair.  I wasn't sure if he was willing to do it but he did it with joy...lol.  

When I sat in the chair, I almost changed my mind but I didn't and I am very happy I didn't.  This is a very freeing change for me. It was also a symbol of me getting rid of the old.  The last couple of years have been tough.  I ready for something fresh and new. Once this tumor is removed I will be on my way to a new me. 

So Dec. 15,2013  BIG CHOP DAY.  I am excited to see my natural hair grow. Right now it is very curly and soft .. I really like it.  No regrets.