I have messed up

Here I go being hard-headed.... I have hurt myself.   I am not suppose to pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk.  Well I have been feeling very well and much stronger lately.  Well I was feeding Dylan and he was done and without thinking I picked him up out of his highchair instead of calling Jay or Matt to get him.  Now the bottom of my incision has been hurting when I sneeze or laugh but I pulled something down there and now I have sharp pains,,,very sharp pains, especially when I move.  The surgeon's office said pulled a muscle.. All I know it hurts bad!!!  I am fine as long as I sit still.  I am so tired of sitting still. I know... I know.. I had major surgery and it will take time for me to heal....uggggggggg.  

Well I am starting a new blog that will list freebies and deals.  I think this will be good for me since I have "rest" in order to get better.  So later today or tomorrow I will have it up and running.  I am also going to have a facebook page to go with it.

Dylan even has lost weight since we got him and he didn't even feel heavy.  GOSH.. my body is so sensitive...lol.  I am praying this is the last surgery I will ever need in my life.  Recovery time is getting more and more frustrating.  The holidays are here and I want to start baking.  I have done a little by keeping a chair near the stove.  But I really need to be sitting still. 

So as they say... a hard head makes a soft bottom... my bottom is getting soft by sitting to healed....lol

Bowling Against Breast Cancer

Nov 3rd 2012 was the Candice J Bradby Breast Cancer Survivors Association's  1st Bowling Against Breast Cancer event.  One of the women of my church started this association while I was in the hospital.  She had introduced me to one of her friends and was telling them how inspired she was by my strength thru the last 10 months of my life.  I was very touch at how much she thought of me it brought tears to my eyes.  To me giving up is not an option, giving in is not an option, being a victim to cancer was not an option.

My younger sister Cherie was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of 8.  Her Dr. told me she wouldn't going to live to graduate high school.  That broke my heart. BUT Cherie being the tough little girl she was kept telling everybody "I'm not going to die".  Even when she was at her sickest, she kept saying she was not going to die.  She went thru chemo and some real harsh meds and she graduated college and is living with a great husband and 2 wonderful kids.  If that little girl can fight cancer I knew I had to because I was the BIG sister.  Couldn't let her show me up...lol

I was also surprised by my daughter who LIED to me by telling me she couldn't make it.  When she came thru those doors my heart just jumped... I almost burst into tears but too many pics were being taken and I didn't want to mess up my make up...lol   I had a great time, many that came out had some great family time also.  I am so excited about this association.  I got many ideas going thru my head.  I want to educate women about early detection and how it can make a huge difference in your life and I also want to help out cancer patients with the financial burden of cancer treatments and just provide support for the patients and family.

So last night is just the beginning, I am so excited

My Anniversary

One year ago today I married my best friend.  What a year we have had.  2 weeks before the wedding I found a lump in my breast. I had put off getting it checked because it was painful and I didn't think it was a bi deal.  2 months later I was told I have breast cancer, 1 month later I lost my right breast.  2 months later I was able to bring home my little boy Dylan 9 months old at the time. 2 months later I had my reconstruction surgery. 2 week later we had to move from our home because it was falling apart and very unhealthy for us to live there. 3 months later I had unexpected surgery and 2 week hospital stay.

All during this time my wonderful husband held down his church even tho we don't have a building at this time and he took great care our boys.  This has been a year of many challenges and God keep his hand over our marriage.  We have become stronger and closer as a couple.  Our love has grown deeper this past year.  I can't imagine going thru this without him. God knows when to place certain people in your life when you will need them the most.  I am bless to have him.  He had made me feel even more beautiful even tho my body has changed and scarred up. He still looks at me like he did on our wedding day.  And after what I have been through, that is real important.... real important. Matt and our kids have made a point not to treat me any different than they did before.  That is important.   I need to feel "normal"  Well normal for me..lol  My family does that for me the best they can.

I couldn't have asked for a better partner. I have never felt such a connection with a person.  He knows what I want and need sometimes before I know.  He refuse to let me get down or feel sorry for myself.  He builds me up to be a stronger and better person.  This is MY husband and best friend!!!

Koman race for a cure

I was sitting here watching the news coverage of the Koman Race and I started to get sad.  I realize that I really wanted to be there with the other cancer survivors.  I kinda feel that I need to be around that energy. It was great seeing my breast surgeon  being interviewed on TV.. Dr. Schultz from the St. Joseph Breast Center.  Those guys are great and I thank God for Dr. Schultz.  He made this whole process easier.  I also found out he sits on the board of the Koman foundation..... super cool.

My goal for next years is to run or walk as many races as my body allow.  I want more women to understand early detection is a major factor in surviving breast cancer.  I truly believe because my cancer was caught so early is why I have had an easier time with treatment than others.  So I'm looking forward to my body healing so I can start training.

Menopause

This whole menopause thing is interesting.  I have been thrown in what is called Surgical Menopause.  So my hormones have been snatched away completely so my body is adjusting and depleting what I had left in my system.  Since I was on Tamoxifen my body was somewhat adjusting to lower estrogen and I was having some menopause symptoms.  I had some hot flashes before but NOW this mess is crazy.. one moment I burning up sweating and the next I am freezing.  I am constantly taking clothes off and putting them on.  I carry my breast cancer blanket around cause I get cold quick. I haven't had any real mood swings.  I really don't feel either way.  Tamoxifen made me want to fight and I angered easily.  I don't feel that way anymore ( good thing for those nurses at the hospital) .  Now I do tear up easily. So sad movies even sad news stories get to me... I find it kinda funny because I know why I'm so teary eyed.

This is a new phase in my life. It's different.  It's taking some time getting use to my new body.  It feels different and looks different but in time it will be better than it was before.  I am looking forward to working out maybe start running like my lil sister. She is doing marathons..maybe someday we can run one together. I heard exercise really help menopause symptoms. I can't wait to get clearance from my dr. In time I will be "normal " again.  Well normal for me...lol

Healing

Well I have to go to my primary care physician to have my blood levels monitored for the coumadin. I did that last Friday.  Then had a post op appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday.  I have lost 15lb since the surgery, mostly due to the "Sinai Diet Plan" ( that tube in my nose and throat).   My Dr. visit went well, he said that I am healing very well and the removed the staples.... YAYYYYY  I don't have to see him for another 2 week but I have to have my blood levels checked every week.

Steps are easier to manage.  I asked my daddy to take me to the store, 1 to get out the house and 2 I did need a couple of things.  I really thought I could handle it.  I never realized pushing a cart was so much work.... So Jay took over there.  And the Safeway is a BIG store when your stomach is sore.  So I was in bed for rest of the day after that trip.  I really see now that I am going to have to take it slow.  My mind is thinking one thing but my body is saying "yeah right".  I'm not going to push it. I am NOT going back to the hospital!!!

I was really hoping to go hang out at the Breast Cancer walk on Sunday but I am thinking it might be too much for me right now. I got to listen to my body.  It has gone thru some major changes in the last 10 months. I have to give it time to heal so I can be my best in the end.

2 weeks

The last 2 weeks of my life has been a real eye opener.  What I went thru I couldn't have never imagine happening to me.  Breast cancer was a breeze compared to the last 2 week.  As you know I had a total hysterectomy on 9/19/2012.  The morning after I was feeling good as you can see from the first pic. But in a matter of hours I went downhill and down hill fast. My blood pressure had dropped very very low and the oxygen level in my blood was very low, so every time I got out of bed I felt horrible. I was told I had a hematoma.  My hand started to swell from the IV so it was moved up my arm until it was at the bend of my elbow, my arm continued to swell.  Because of the breast cancer they can't use my right arm for anything. I ended up having the iv put into my neck.  Now for for the tube in my nose to my stomach.  I didn't eat for almost 2 weeks during that time but my stomach continued to collect bile.  That caused me a lot of pain so the tube had to be put in to drain the bile.  As you can see from pic 2 I was not a happy camper.   I tell ya God and I had a lot of conversations during these past 2 weeks.  With that tube in my throat it was painful to talk, even tho I still did at times...lol  Now during this whole time I found out I had pneumonia, even had one night they thought I had a heart attack.  Thankfully there was no muscle damage. I was transferred to 6 different rooms I think.

 Because every time something majored happened I was sent to Immediate Care Unit. Now since I was not able to get up and walk around I ended up with a blood clot in my leg.  So that had me in the hospital for 4 extra days trying to get my blood levels right.  I have to be on coumadin for the next 3 months and be careful.  This should be interesting cause I am accident prone..lol. My last couple of days in the hospital I was starting to break down.  I was missing my husband so much( even tho he was there everyday) and my kids that is was really starting to hurt.  I was sick of people waking me up every couple of minutes asking for my blood pressure, asking if I had a bowel movement ( I think about 5 different people ask me this a day) I just wanted to yell "LEAVE ME ALONE".  You know it's bad when I got excited for meal time.

I look at my life different now.. I see my place in this world different. I heard something while in the hospital ( don't remember where cause I was pretty drugged up)  I wasn't living my life I was just existing.   I don't want to just exist anymore. Laying in that bed not able to do much ... I was just existing.  I don't want that for my life anymore.  I have been told by several people through out my life that I should write a book.  Nay said she would help me.  Once I am all healed there are other ventures I plan on perusing.

I could have never imagine fighting so hard to get well.  Just wanting to feel normal, not be so tired, not hurt, look at pizza and not feel nauseous. 2012 has been the year to rebuilding my body. I know God has big plans for me and I need to be at my best. After 2012 I will be able to become that woman.  So for now I am resting and letting my body heal, and letting the drugs get out of my system  and getting healthy for my next level.