Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Bottle of tamoxifen

As I drove tot he drug store yesterday, I wanted to cry. I was finally going to pick up my prescription of tamoxifen. Jay walked in the store with me, for some reason having him there with me helped.. I guess cause I won't cry in front of him. I stay strong for him. When they laid the bottle on the counter, I didn't want to pick it up. I just looked at it and then asked if I can get auto refill for it.  I will be on it everyday for the next couple of years at least. The pharmacist went to the computer asked my name, the asked which one.  i was like OMG I got to say this out loud.  It took a bit but I was able to say "tamoxifen". I heard the tone in her voice change a bit.  It seem to happens a lot when people find out you had breast cancer. I picked up the bag and just looked at it. This is really happening. I have to take this stuff.  Another reminder of this battle with cancer.

Jay asked me if I was ok while we were walking out the store... I had to straighten my face.  I told him I was fine. He hugged me and said OK.  He knew just what to do to put a smile on my face.  His hugs are magic. It was an instant reminder why I'm taking this medicine. When we got home, I immediately went online to look up  more info about tamoxifen.... best time to take it, how to minimize the side effects, are there any good side effects, and anything else I could find.  I did find out I can't eat grapefruit  :(  I really like grapefruit and I really shouldn't have caffeine :(  I like my coffee.. I NEED my coffee sometimes  :(  oh well.  To see the smile on my son's face is worth it. There were some other things but these stood out more right

So I took my first pill late last night. With much hesitation I did it. I didn't sleep much last night.  So much is going on, Nay graduating, Matt's dear grandmother passing, my daddy being sick, my house falling apart and needing to move because of a stinky landlord, needing to start some kind of therapy so the cancer won't come back, looking for a place to live. Helping Jay deal with his "birth father"  Did I say I need to pack up the house I just unpacked....  I'm holding on. I can tell you one thing.. God sure does have a lot of faith in me. All I can do is give God control... or I will be


Anonymous said...

I've been on Tamoxifen for 3 years and it isn't bad at all. Weight gain and hot flashes nd some mild joint pain. It is bearable and it is saving our lives. You will get through this, I promise you.
Thanks for the blog...never heard that I shouldn't have caffiene. Why is that?
Looking forward to the next blog entry and I will keep you in my prayers.

Candy Bradby said...

Thanks for the encouragement! I read about the caffeine somewhere on a breast cancer discussion board. I got to look into it more... I need my