As I drove tot he drug store yesterday, I wanted to cry. I was finally going to pick up my prescription of tamoxifen. Jay walked in the store with me, for some reason having him there with me helped.. I guess cause I won't cry in front of him. I stay strong for him. When they laid the bottle on the counter, I didn't want to pick it up. I just looked at it and then asked if I can get auto refill for it. I will be on it everyday for the next couple of years at least. The pharmacist went to the computer asked my name, the asked which one. i was like OMG I got to say this out loud. It took a bit but I was able to say "tamoxifen". I heard the tone in her voice change a bit. It seem to happens a lot when people find out you had breast cancer. I picked up the bag and just looked at it. This is really happening. I have to take this stuff. Another reminder of this battle with cancer.
Jay asked me if I was ok while we were walking out the store... I had to straighten my face. I told him I was fine. He hugged me and said OK. He knew just what to do to put a smile on my face. His hugs are magic. It was an instant reminder why I'm taking this medicine. When we got home, I immediately went online to look up more info about tamoxifen.... best time to take it, how to minimize the side effects, are there any good side effects, and anything else I could find. I did find out I can't eat grapefruit :( I really like grapefruit and I really shouldn't have caffeine :( I like my coffee.. I NEED my coffee sometimes :( oh well. To see the smile on my son's face is worth it. There were some other things but these stood out more right now...lol
So I took my first pill late last night. With much hesitation I did it. I didn't sleep much last night. So much is going on, Nay graduating, Matt's dear grandmother passing, my daddy being sick, my house falling apart and needing to move because of a stinky landlord, needing to start some kind of therapy so the cancer won't come back, looking for a place to live. Helping Jay deal with his "birth father" Did I say I need to pack up the house I just unpacked.... I'm holding on. I can tell you one thing.. God sure does have a lot of faith in me. All I can do is give God control... or I will be crazy...lol