Surgery Postponed

I don't know if it is good news or bad news..... The Neurosurgeon called me himself last night to let me know he wants to reschedule my surgery because his people took another look at my films and saw that I do not have an acoustic neuroma but I do have meningioma.  He said it is a more fibrous tumor and the nerve wraps itself around the tumor, so he wants more monitoring during the surgery.

Honestly I just want to sit in a corner and cry out of frustration.  I was getting myself in a good mental state for this surgery.  I don't want to have to take anything for my nerves.  I just want this over with.  The risks are still the same.  Hearing loss and partial loss of feeling on the right side of my face etc. etc.etc.  I'm trusting God that I will come out of this even better than I went into it.  Hey maybe God just needed more time to shrink the tumor so I don't even need surgery.  I can only pray.

So I wait for the call with the new surgery date.

The Countdown Begins

Today I go for my pre-op exam.  The Dr. just makes sure I am healthy enough for surgery.  It's sad I have been thru this way too many times.  1 week before surgery.....UGGGGGG.  I am working on getting things at home ready also.  Getting laundry done and planning out meals for my guys  so things can be less stressful for Matt and Jay.  I have already shut down my ebay store temporarily and Matt said he will help with my Avon  business.  I am very thankful for my church family and friends who offered to help out with Dylan.  So I don't have to worry about him. I know Matt can handle things but I would like to make it as easier as possible for him.  I can't wait until this is all over and I can get on with my life.  The good thing about all of this I probably loose a couple of pounds :)  Yayyyyy. 

Part II
Well I just got home from the Dr.  everything looks good. Blood pressure good (good thing I have been taking my meds)  EKG good ( whewww.. I really didn't want to go to the cardiologist any time soon) They a lot of blood. And I had to go for chest xray.   My nerves are  starting to get to me a bit.  It is still kinda hard to believe this happening.  I realized something today.  I really don't like talking about this out loud.I had to explain to 5 different people why I was there.....  The only thing the Dr didn't like was my weight but he said considering what I have been thru the past couple years it is very understandable and we will work on it after this surgery.  This is still hard to believe.

Acoustic Neuroma or Meningioma?

I plan recording my journey with this tumor and better health.  2 week ago I saw the ENT at John Hopkins  Dr. Limb, He said he doesn't believe I have an acoustic neuroma.  He believes it's a meningioma.  The difference is one is on the nerve to my ear  and the other is on the lining of my brain.  He said it looked like it was on the lining and spreads out to the nerve.  They won't know for sure until they get in my head.

Jan 14th is surgery day.  The nurse called me the other day with the schedules for tests
 and surgery time. I became nervous for the first time.  i still have a hard time believing this really happening. Breast cancer was a shock.  A brain tumor seems so unbelievable.  But I guess it's real because I am starting to have other symptoms.  The most frustrating one if the tingling and numbness and weakness in my right hand and arm.  Just imagine your arm and hands falling asleep all the time.  I also learned some of my confusion and forgetfulness  is from the tumor. So with that all said I am ready for this thing to get out of my head and get back to normal.

The closer it get to the surgery date and after I will probably doing video blogs showing my recovery.  I really hope what I am going thru helps another person get thru this.  God is my rock and I couldn't have done this without Him.  I know whatever reason I have to deal with this something good is going to come out of it.  God only have my best interest at heart.

Freedom

I had plan on no longer using a relaxer in my hair and was trying to decide what to do with my hair.  Since I am due to have surgery to remove a brain tumor next month I was thinking about cutting my hair  or  getting braids or something. Well I woke up Sunday morning tired of dealing with the different textures on my head and I asked my husband to cut my hair.  I wasn't sure if he was willing to do it but he did it with joy...lol.  

When I sat in the chair, I almost changed my mind but I didn't and I am very happy I didn't.  This is a very freeing change for me. It was also a symbol of me getting rid of the old.  The last couple of years have been tough.  I ready for something fresh and new. Once this tumor is removed I will be on my way to a new me. 

So Dec. 15,2013  BIG CHOP DAY.  I am excited to see my natural hair grow. Right now it is very curly and soft .. I really like it.  No regrets.

Book Two Of My Journey

God definitely have a plan for me.  3 months ago I found out I have a brain tumor.  It wasn't cancer so that was good, it was slow growing and that was good. The plan was to watch it and it I start having problems then it would be treated.  Well 3 months later the tumor has grown and is causing me problems.  It is call Acoustic Neuroma,  It sits on the nerves of my right ear causing hearing loss in that ear.  I was sent to a specialize specialist at John Hopkins.  I need surgery.  Isn't that crazy.... BRAIN SURGERY.  God must have a really big plans for me.

Can I be honest.  I am so tired of Doctors, Hospitals,SURGERIES, pain pills.....all I can really do is laugh.  This won't kill me, just get in the way of my life...lol   I know at some point God will let me know what His plan is for me.  Part of me want to sit in the corner and cry and the other part say "suck it up, put your big girl panties on and let's get tru this."  So I have been in deep prayer and meditating and visualizing the tumor shrinking.  Maybe God will give me a Christmas miracle. I know God has my best interest at heart and will be with me through this whole thing.

So back to the tumor.  I am loosing my hearing in my right ear.  I will be having surgery after the holidays (which is what I wanted)  So I'm gonna be taking lots of pics  :)  There is a chance of 10% chance of facial paralyzation.  I am not crazy about that at all.  I have a very nice smile  :)  seeee.....lol    There is s very good chance I will lose total hearing in my right ear. The good part is that I will be fine after the surgery.  They got a world renown doctor that will help with getting hearing back in my right ear.  The surgery will last 8 to 10 hours....uggg and I will be in the hospital for about a week. Recovery will be 6 to 8 week.  So I will be all good by my birthday  YAYYYY. The great thing is that John Hopkins have a whole Acoustic Neuroma department so I know I will have a lot of great support.

What is keep me together.... MY FAITH. I'm holding onto God with everything I have.  I am really too tired to fight this battle, I have handed it over to God. Whatever road he have me travel I will travel.

My Ipsy Bag

I blame my sister for this.  She post about her monthly boxes she gets and I was very curious about them, so I tried one.  Ipsy,  it's only $10 a month and the send you all kinds of make up stuff.  This is my 3rd month getting it and I really like them.  You get a cute makeup bag also.  This month I really like the polish, cool color. I will try it after Oct.  This is my pink month.  I also got this cool navy mineral makeup eyeshadow.  Can't wait to try that color.  They also sent a brush. The pink lip liner I know I will use.  The hair spray I probably wont use since I'm wearing braids.  I really like this month's bag.. it's really cute. So check them out Ipsy Bag 

October..... Can I be Honest

Can I be honest.  This is a hard month for me.  Yes I am so very thankful for being cancer free right now and I am so very thankful that I didn't have to go thru chemo or radiation. It's just kinda hard seeing the changes my body has gone thru in the past year and a half with all the surgeries I needed. There are some other things going on but I don't want to discuss them until some more conformation later this month.  I am still not able to do some of things I use to do or want to do.The meds are rough on me with some of the side effects.  Sometimes I just want to forget I ever had cancer.  Cancer has really turned my life upside down.  This surgery induced menopause I'm in doesn't help either..lol  Maybe I am just a little more emotional lol.  I think a lot of it has to do with not having much control over my body...

The up side is that I am cancer free. Because of I what I have gone thru many women I know have gone and had their mammograms. Thank God no one has been diagnosed with breast cancer.... that I know of.  This is not an easy fight.  It's a battle physically, mentally and emotionally.  God has help me keep laughing thru this journey.  I still have a very long life to live. I have had to make a few adjustments  but I plan on being around to see my great grans. God has help me become a stronger person over the last year.

So rock your Pink this month... Get you Mammogram!!